


The Astronomer and the Mage Part 1 (alt version)

by alls_fair_in_pride_and_prejudice



Series: The Astronomer and the Mage [4]
Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst and Feels, Attempted Murder, Begins Pre-Canon, Canon Compliant as of Season 3, Dark Magic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memory Magic, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Moonshadow Elves (The Dragon Prince), Prophetic Visions, Seduction to the Dark Side, Suicidal Thoughts, Touch-Starved Aaravos (The Dragon Prince), Truth Spells, aaravos is a sexy manipulative bastard, opposite of a slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26076808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alls_fair_in_pride_and_prejudice/pseuds/alls_fair_in_pride_and_prejudice
Summary: A human astronomer connects to the star arcanum, and with this connection she comes into contact with a certain startouch elf. The two enter into immediate attraction, though their relationship is doomed to turmoil.This is a sfw version of The Astronomer and the Mage - events are adjusted so that there's plenty of spice/steam, but nothing explicit, just in case anyone wanted to read for the plot. Still rated Mature just to be safe for some distressing themes (read the tags), but I might could have gotten away with a teen rating.Part two of the story between Aaravos and the Astronomer coming in spring 2021!
Relationships: Aaravos (The Dragon Prince)/Original Female Character(s), Aaravos (The Dragon Prince)/Reader
Series: The Astronomer and the Mage [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819726
Comments: 17
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a smutty one shot, but its now a multi-chapter ongoing fic. As I am writing this note, I have the first seven chapters for both versions down. As I add chapters to the original fic, I'll also add a chapter to this one, with appropriate edits if there's anything explicit.

The sky is clear on the first night at my new home, so I make a point to first find the best spot to watch the stars from – I want to be able to see them every night while I live here. I cannot go a night without the stars, I just cannot. There is a connection there, a calling, stories waiting in their patterns to be unlocked. I was amazingly fortunate to get a position here as an assistant in the library at the Castle of Katolis. This is my chance to learn more about the stars, and my first step in becoming an astronomer. It will not be easy to sneak out the books I need, and my tasks are made more difficult by the fact that I have to _find_ the books in the first place, but this is my passion, and I cannot ignore it for anything.

It has been a year since I first came to the castle, and I learned multitudes, much of it self-taught. After the first war with Xadia, it seems much of our knowledge of the cosmos was lost, and there have not been powerful enough efforts to restore our understanding of the stars’ movements beyond what is helpful for calendars. So, I have spent every night for the past six months charting their movements, noting their brightness. There is a star to the north that the rest seem to spin around over the course of the night, with the exception of five wanderers – they are particularly stubborn and follow their own path, sometimes even moving backwards.  
The next day, I hear that the king and high mage returned from Xadia, having killed the dragon king.  
That night, I look to the stars, and think of lost lives. There are so many different myths about the stars, that they are the souls of the departed. There are too many for me to tell if there is a new one in their ranks. I would think that a dragon king would make for a particularly bright star, but aren’t dragons particularly long-lived? Perhaps his soul was too worn down after those centuries to shine.  
There are others that say the stars live a life all their own, looking down at us from so high that they can see both our past and future.  
I cannot tell for certain which version I like better. Having seen how they mark the days and weeks, I like to think they tell something about time, that they carry great knowledge in them. If we treat them with the reverence they deserve, there are so many things we could discover. There is nothing more indicative of an intelligent spirit than curiosity. To look to the stars and wonder is to be alive.  
There is an odd feeling in my chest, like the one time I tasted a bubbling sort of alcohol so many years ago. The world seems to get brighter at every angle, the colors more intense, and I shiver, not from cold, though there is a bite this time of year, especially at night. No, I feel like I _understand,_ like I am _home_. I look to the heavens again, and I know there are secrets there, and they have deemed me worthy enough to understand them.  
 _Show me._ I plead silently.  
There is a clarity that comes, and upon checking my charts, I pinpoint the wandering stars in the sky. There are three visible tonight, and the moment my eye alights upon them, I see with such clarity that they are not stars at all. They do not twinkle or dance like the others, they have a steady light, and their brightness changes more gradually, like the phases of the moon.  
By the heavens, are these _moons?_ But so much farther that we see them as tiny specks?  
I reach a quivering hand to the skies, and I feel no power from them, not like Sirius or Arcturus.  
It is then that I realize that I can feel power from the stars, and when I pull my hand away again, I can see the palm of my hand sparkling and glowing like the stars themselves. It lasts only as long as it takes for me to take a deep, unsteady breath, before fading.  
 _“How interesting,”_ a voice seems to speak in my mind, setting my heart beating like a frightened rabbit. I spin around, eyes darting frantically for the source of the voice.  
 _“A human connected to a primal source, the stars nonetheless.”_ he seems to muse aloud, and I know certainly the voice is male, for how deep a baritone it is. It is as if he is murmuring in my ear, but there is no one there when I turn.  
“What – what is this?” I cry out, wrapping my arms around myself in some attempt at protection.  
 _“None of that, don’t reply aloud, you wouldn’t want anyone to think you’ve gone mad.”_  
“Perhaps I have,” I say, barely above a whisper.  
 _“You have no need to fear me, I am here to aid you. Focus your thoughts, and you can speak into my mind just as I have with yours.”_  
I take another shuddering breath, soothed by the mystery man’s voice. It makes me think of honey wine and summer nights, sweet and deep and smooth. I direct my thoughts, focus them, and feel the same sparkling feeling in my chest. _“Who are you?”_  
 _“I’m no one important, but you, you are the one of interest here. You are a natural with the star arcanum.”_  
 _“What do you mean? The arcanum?”_  
 _“You truly do not know?”_  
 _“No…”_ My cheeks get hot, and I feel embarrassed, like I should know what he is talking about.  
 _“How extraordinary,”_ the voice purrs, and I sense his sincerity and the weight of his attention, as if he genuinely believes there is nothing more interesting in all the land as me in this moment. I feel so exposed, despite being fully clothed. _“You deserve to know more, to have a proper teacher,”_ he continues, _“I would be honored to teach you about the stars, and the magic you can do through them.”_  
“Magic?” I exclaim aloud in my excitement, then clap a hand over my mouth to quiet myself.  
The voice chuckles, a seductive sound that sends a chill down my spine. My cheeks are growing hot again. _“Yes, I could sense you the moment you connected with them. I am a star mage, among other things, and you have the ability to perform star magic.”_  
 _“That would be amazing, it would be everything I’ve ever wanted! What do I have to do?”_  
When he speaks to me again, I can hear the smile in his voice, _“Just trust me.”_

It has been a fortnight and I have yet to meet my teacher in person, though that does not stop him from speaking to me every night. Often, he speaks to me when I go out to observe the stars, though there was one evening that I was too exhausted from the day’s work that I went straight to bed. Even now, I feel excitement curling in my abdomen at the thought of his honey-smooth voice speaking to me as if he were lying in bed with me.  
Coincidentally, that was the night he told me his name. It was one of the few things I learned about him, as he seemed more interested in learning about me, my dreams, my skills, my pastimes, even my favorite treats, (the jelly tarts from the castle kitchen.)  
He has taught me some basic divination spells, the most useful of which is used to know where nearby people are and where they are moving. I will need it today, as I am to sneak into Lord Viren’s study. If I am caught, I will likely be thrown in the dungeons. It could mean never seeing the stars again, but it is a risk I have to take if I am to learn more.  
I also cannot deny that I need to see his face and put an image to the tempting voice in my mind.  
Following Aaravos’s instructions to the most minute detail, I slip into Viren’s study, unoccupied as expected.  
 _“There should be a mirror on the left wall, covered by a tarp, that is where I am trapped.”_ His voice is stronger now, I can feel his presence, and we have been so connected these past weeks that I cannot tell if the anticipation is mine or his.  
I make sure all the candles are snuffed and the curtains drawn per his instructions before pulling the tarp off the mirror. A moment later, it starts to shine with a purple-blue light, like the periwinkles that grow along the south wall. My eyes adjust and I discover that it is not only the mirror producing the magic light, but the cloaked figure in the mirror himself.  
And he is gorgeous.   
I notice his beauty before I even process that I have never seen an elf before now. His lavender ears peek between waves of white locks, and they look so soft, like clouds, that I want to run my fingers through them. His horns catch the light and gleam like polished wood, and I wonder what they would feel like. There are three diamond-shaped markings on the apples of his cheeks, and they seem to glow brighter than the other pinpricks of light on him. I wonder if that is indicative of a blush.  
I have been staring quite a while, and I can feel the heat rise in my cheeks again, but Aaravos did not seem to notice. His eyes roam my form as well, and the corner of his mouth quirks up in an appreciative smirk.  
“How fortunate I am to have a student with not only such innate talent, but such beauty as well.” His eyes travel downward, and I am frozen between wanting to cover myself and standing proudly under his gaze. His golden irises flick up to lock with mine. “Beautiful, astute, powerful, is there no end to your charms?”  
My heart stutters in panic as he voices my thoughts about him, and then I realize that he was speaking his mind about _me_. I fiddle with my robes and stare down at my feet. My voice fails me, but I manage to stutter out a “thank you.”  
“There is more to the star arcanum than divination and knowledge, my apprentice, it also allows connection to other worlds. Ordinarily, you would not be able to hear me, but you are no ordinary human, you can connect to me in my prison.”  
“What happened to you? Who would do this to you, and why?” I ask, gliding my fingers over the inscribed runes on the mirror’s frame.  
“I may tell you eventually, but we have more pressing matters at hand. From my time observing him, Viren is never gone from his study long. We do not have much time, so I must ask something of you if we are to continue our lessons.” He removes his cloak and sets it aside, and I get a better view of his figure, his lithe, toned, _gorgeous_ figure.   
“Anything,” I reply breathily.  
Aaravos places a sparkling hand on the glass, his gaze intense and almost pleading. “I have been alone here for so long, it nearly drove me mad, and from the moment I felt your connection, I craved you more than any that came by the mirror before. Now that I see you, I want you all the more.” His voice has gotten lower and huskier, and he does not conceal the hunger in his eyes. “It is fate that you connected to the star arcanum. You could cross over, join me here and offer a respite from the isolation.”  
“Will that not require more mastery over magic than I have? I doubt my ability here; this is clearly complex magic.”  
“I will lend you my strength.” He leans closer, and a moment later, I realize that I have mirrored him, drawn in by his alluring magnetism. “Besides, would it not be easier for me to teach you in person? Would it not be better for me to guide your hands on the runes myself?” His eyes wander again, and I find my eyes drawn to his long, dexterous fingers. “I would make it worth your while, what would you like? There are so many things I can accomplish with my magic, I can have almost anything besides the two things I want most, company and freedom.”  
Aaravos whispers my name reverently, like a prayer. “Take my hand.”  
Some part of me says I should not give in so easily, that this should feel wrong, but it does not. I cannot deny that I want this, that I may have wanted this from the first night he spoke to me. I do not hesitate, and I lay my palm flat against his.  
Aaravos has me trace a rune, following his free hand with mine, and the rune glows brighter and brighter until I have to shut my eyes against the light. Then, the feeling of glass beneath my palm turns to flesh, and four fingers interlock with mine and tug me forward.  
I am falling, falling, falling, right into Aaravos’s arms. 

I barely have a moment to breathe before I am pulled into a flurry of movement. Aaravos drags me by my wrist through the door into another room, and no sooner does he open the door than he pins me against the wall with his body. He grips my wrists in each hand, pinning them on either side of my head. His eyes never land anywhere for long, as if drinking in every detail.  
His voice is barely more than a whisper when he speaks. “It’s been so _long._ ”   
I am so shocked still, barely able to take in my surroundings, that I might as well be frozen. Aaravos bends his head to drag his lips along my jawline, and I shudder. He lets out a light chuckle, and I can feel his hot breath on my neck. He releases my wrists, and pinches my chin between his forefinger and thumb, lifting my face so that our lips are inches apart, and the glow from the bits of stardust on his cheeks illuminates my face. “Forgive me, I have gone so long without the touch of another that restraint is difficult.”  
“It’s fine,” I barely squeak out.  
Aaravos smirks. “I will not hurt you, and, as much as I have wanted the touch of another, I will not lay another hand on you unless you wish it.” He guides my head to the side, so I feel the brush of his lips as he speaks, “Tell me what _you_ want, little star. How may I serve you?”  
With an uncharacteristic boldness, I take his face in my hands and say, “Kiss me.”  
“As you wish.”

To put things modestly, we get a little carried away in our passion. Before long, we end up in the bed, cradled in each other’s arms. I trace the star symbol on his chest as he wraps an arm around me and strokes my hair. I am blissfully exhausted after a long day, and I bask in Aaravos’s warmth like a lizard in the sun.  
“How long has it been?” I mumble into his chest.  
Aaravos trails his hand down my scalp to my neck with a feather-light touch. “Shh, do not worry about that, now.”  
It is tempting, but I push my head up. “I should get back before anyone notices I am missing, right? I would not want to lose my position in the library.”  
Aaravos chuckles. “No, little star, you will not be going back, you cannot.”  
I try to sit up properly but Aaravos’s arms cage me in. “What… what do you mean?”  
“I am forming a plan, one to free myself from this prison and get my revenge on the fools that trapped me here, one where I will regain the power that was taken from me. For that plan to work, I cannot have the humans knowing that they can connect to the primal sources. I cannot let them know you exist.”  
The sparks of fear begin to stir in my chest. “You…” my voice shakes, “you said you wouldn’t hurt me.”  
“I spoke the truth,” Aaravos soothes, caressing my cheek. “It might have been easier to kill you, but there were so few star mages even before I was trapped. I imagine they might be near extinct by now, and besides, how could I resist such a beautiful creature?”  
I fume with outrage and struggle against his grasp, kicking and flailing with all my might, but with a simple rune and incantation, he effortlessly restrains me. “Let me go! Let me out of here! I want to go back!”  
Aaravos scoffs. “You silly girl. If I knew of a way out of this place, I would have already taken it!”  
He seems so cold, so angry, so unlike the doting elf from just moments before. He had me so fooled. My eyes prick with the sting of tears, ashamed at how quickly I trusted him, at how he had me convinced he cared about me. My voice comes out small and cracked. “You _tricked_ me, trapped me… and I can’t even study the stars anymore.”  
Aaravos tilts his head. “What made you think that I would stop teaching you?”  
My breath hitches in surprise. “You will still teach me magic?”  
Aaravos combs his fingers through my hair. “So long as you behave, yes. I do not intend to make your stay here as tormenting as it has been for me.” His gentle caress turns to a fist, gripping at the roots of my hair just below the point of pain. There is a dangerous look in his eyes – they almost glow – and I can feel the power radiating off him, barely contained and potentially deadly. “Besides, you know there is no use fighting me.”  
“I – I just – but,” I can only manage stutters, too many emotions swirling in my chest to make sense of.  
Aaravos’s touch softens again, and my muscles relax almost instantly under his soothing caress. “I know I have hurt you, star, but I am sure I can make it up to you.” There is a mischievous lilt to his voice, and I gather his meaning as he kisses the spot just beneath my ear.  
I struggle to keep track of my thoughts, my body reacting and becoming pliant at his kiss. The restraints disappear, but I cannot bring myself to struggle, too content to let Aaravos do as he wishes to me.  
I… I know that I was angry with him, but there is a haze from the bliss of his voice and touch. I manage enough clarity to stammer, “what… what are you… doing to me?”  
Aaravos hums, a sound that spreads through my core like a sweet embrace. “You should not have given me access to your mind so freely, little star. You are _mine_ now.”  
It should scare me, but instead I feel a little thrill at the way he calls me his, and the way he holds me tighter when he says it. I am not sure I can object to the idea, especially not when I am so _tired._  
How am I so tired? It is only the middle of the day, is it not? A nap would be lovely, and Aaravos is so warm, and the bed is so soft. I did not notice it before, but I have never slept in so lovely a bed.  
Aaravos traces shapes on my back, ones I do not recognize that leave tingles in their wake. “You should rest, little star,” he says.  
I should, but I feel like there is something important…  
Aaravos presses a kiss to my forehead, and I realize how silly that sounds, that anything else could be more important than this. Whatever it is, I can deal with it later.  
I shut my eyes and drift off in bliss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lessons inside the mirror realm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have read anything else in this series, you may recognize this chapter as having part of He's More Myself Than I Am. The original chapter was almost entirely a sex scene, and I wanted to fill out this chapter. Plus, I think it adds a different context to the scene and story overall that I had fun with.

I am unsure how long it has been since I joined Aaravos in the mirror. Time moves so strangely here: sometimes a day passes in what feels like moments, others it seems to stretch on for the length of several. Aaravos says that being inexperienced in star magic as I am can warp one’s perceptions of time as well when attempting to use any divination spells. Some distant part of me knows that is only half of it. Aaravos has a strange effect on me, a simple touch making me forget everything but him in that moment. Sometimes I catch myself in a blissful trance, unsure how long I have spent half-awake.  
This can complicate the matter of his teaching me star magic. His methods are… _interesting;_ he is very hands-on so to speak. Every time he teaches me a new spell, he pulls me flush against him and guides my hands with a firm grip on my wrists, almost like a marionette. He likes to rest his chin on my shoulder and presses kisses on the sensitive spots on my neck when I do well. It makes for decent incentive, but it also makes it difficult to concentrate at times.   
He has spent increasingly more time in the library lately, the one room I am prohibited from entering. That does not stop me from using what methods I can to see what he is up to. I attempted to use the spells he taught me to see inside the room, but he seems to have placed some sort of ward around it, and I cannot see through it. I still hear him speaking through the door at times, however, but I do not hear anyone replying to him.  
He has scolded me for interfering in his affairs, but never with much seriousness behind it. I am reading a book on dragons when I feel a surge of power radiating from the library, light spilling from the stained glass and under the crack of the door. There are sounds of wind, crashes, and many spells I do not recognize. I hear Aaravos shout, a distressing sound since he has never so much raised his voice in my presence. Upon trying the doorknob, I find it locked.  
I press my ear to the door, trying to hear what is happening when it opens, and I stumble forward into Aaravos’s hard chest.  
He is _not_ pleased. I have told him that he reminds me of a cranky kitten whenever he is upset, but I have not often been the one his scowl is directed at before. I can feel how tense he is, and the stillness in his frustration is frightening like the vanishing tide before a devastating wave. There is still a faint purple glow to his eyes, casting his face in an unnatural light, and I push off his chest to back away.  
He locks eyes with me, and his glare softens. “I believe I left you with reading to complete, my apprentice.”  
I twiddle my fingers around the hem of my robes, avoiding his eyes. “I thought I heard shouting, and I wanted to help.”  
“Nothing can reach us here, you know that.”  
“Yes, sir, I know. I was just concerned for you. Please forgive me.”  
A single lilac finger tilts my chin upward to meet dark golden eyes. “There is nothing to forgive, little star. I appreciate your care for me.”  
“You are not angry with me?”  
“Even if I were, you need not ever fear me, starlight, or have you so easily forgotten?”  
“You are quite terrifying at times, Aaravos,” I whisper. “And I am only human.”  
He steps forward, forcing me to take a step back. “Ah, but it excites you, too, does it not?” Step forward, step back. “I have seen how you squirm the moment I exercise any of my strength on you.”  
The third time he steps forward and I backward, my back hits the wall. I cannot deny that this sends a different kind of feeling thrumming through me. My heart quickens at how his chest presses into mine, how I can feel his breath on my neck. I have never met anyone as fascinating and inscrutable as Aaravos, and I doubt I ever will. I cannot make sense of his moods, which might seem to some mercurial, but I have found to be constantly calculated. He is a constant alluring mystery.  
“Did you take a trait from every source you learned to draw from?” I ask. “You are as ever changing as the moon with a constant darkness and depth like the sea.” His face retains that smirk, the one that reminds you he is always three steps ahead. “Or were you always this way? As harsh as the sun and as cold as the wind?”  
Aaravos makes a noise somewhere between a huff and a chuckle as he strokes my hair, tucking the flyaway strands behind my ear. “You humans are so short-lived, so robbed of your potential with your fleeting existence. I am certain you would grow as complex if you lived as long as we did.” His smile is almost bittersweet, but his eyes rake over me hungrily. “Flames that burn short and bright.” For a moment, he seems sad, or lost in some distant thought, but then he straightens, a smile on his face. “Let’s continue with today’s lesson. I have been looking forward to this one.”  
He steps inside the library and returns with a new book. “The spell I plan to teach you today will not just grant you knowledge, it will provide a vision if done properly,” Aaravos says. “It is tradition with star mages that the master enters the student’s first vision with them, since it can be disorienting otherwise.”  
“We can do that? Enter visions together?” I ask.  
“With our mental connection, yes.”  
Aaravos hands me the book opened to a drawing of a rune. “I thought we would start with something pleasant for such an occasion: Cupio Cordis.”  
I repeat the incantation a couple times to get familiar with it. “What does it do?”  
“It reveals a person’s strongest and deepest desire, what they want most in the world.” Aaravos moves behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Unlike any of the other spells you have learned so far, this one can also be directed inward toward yourself.” He runs his palms down the length of my arms. “When you have performed spells before, you channel the energy of the primal source through yourself and outward, where you draw the rune.”  
I nod, feeling the shift in energy mirrored by his caress.  
“When you perform a spell on yourself, you still go through this motion, but then you pull it inwards again. Think of it like the shoreline, the water reaches out to brush the sand,” he glides his fingertips down my arms, “then the ocean pulls the waves back in again,” his fingers glide back the way they came, and he kisses the crook of my neck as they reach my shoulders again. “Do you understand?”  
“Yes, I think so.”  
Aaravos keeps his hands on my shoulders as a point of contact, and I can sense his presence just at the edge of my consciousness with our connection. “Try it for yourself. Remember the waves.”  
I feel the energy of the stars flow through me, through my chest into my fingertips, then draw the rune, glowing an opalescent white in mid-air, then, just as I speak the incantation, I pull that energy back inwards towards my chest. “Cupio cordis.”  
There is a flash of light that overtakes my vision that I cannot shut my eyes against. It seems to fill my eyes themselves, on the inside of my eyelids. Then, it fades, and I am greeted with a vastly different sight than the sitting room where Aaravos and I stood just moments ago.  
Before me is a wide, grassy field with rolling hills in the distance. There is no sign of civilization, just the open night sky sprawling out above and the never-ending line of the horizon. The sky is filled with the brilliance of millions of stars, more than I could see in the city, the cloudy river of starlight cutting across the middle of heavens. Fireflies blink occasionally, flitting over the grass. I can almost feel the cool summer breeze, the grass beneath my feet.  
I could almost cry with how perfect it is. The freedom of the open space and the comfort of my truest love above me.  
“Remarkable for a first attempt, my star,” Aaravos encourages, standing behind me. He surveys our surroundings with a satisfied smile. “An impressively detailed vision, too, but you forgot to direct it toward yourself. Perhaps I should not have asked you to attempt two new things at once.”  
I thought I _did_ direct the spell inwards, and the vision is such a bittersweet comfort, I would think that this is my own deepest desire. “Aaravos, what do you mean? I thought this was a vision of my desire.”  
Aaravos frowns, then, taking my hand in his, traces the same rune in the air with the other. “Cupio cordis.”  
The vision does not change in spirit, but it takes on a more vivid quality. This time, I really can feel the breeze against my skin, and can feel the grass tickle my calves. Aaravos looks around, this time with more scrutiny, then his face changes almost imperceptibly to one of surprise. “ _Oh,_ ” his voice is hushed, “I should have noticed… you did not have the nebula blossoms…”  
I am still confused when Aaravos guides my hand to his chest. “Perform the spell on me, starlight.”  
It must truly be a special occasion if he is being so open with me. I perform the spell, directing the intent towards Aaravos instead of myself this time.  
The vision around us does not change beyond two additions: the field is spotted with glowing indigo wildflowers, and beneath us is a linen blanket and basket of all sorts of fresh fruit.  
There is only basic sustenance in the mirror, the kind you eat in midwinter and everything is carefully preserved. I suppose that was part of the punishment of the prison, that though Aaravos would never go hungry, he would never enjoy a fresh meal. The sight of the apples makes my mouth water, and I am certain that if we were to perform the spell on me once more, the apples would be an addition.  
I have been so focused on the differences, that only now to I process the similarities. Aaravos thought I had made a mistake in the spell because my deepest desire is so similar to his. I look at the space where my hand is still pressed to his chest, thinking of the heart that is apparently so similar to mine. We are so similar, he and I, drawn to the other by curiosity at first, but now…  
“Do you suppose it is our shared experience in this realm that makes our desires so similar, my star?” Aaravos asks, tilting my chin to meet his gaze and caressing my cheek, “Or have I found a truly kindred spirit in you?”  
I mirror his actions, raising my hand to cup his cheek. “Why do I feel you were lonely long before you were trapped here, Aaravos?”  
He leans into my touch, eyes fluttering shut. “There are many ways to be lonely, as I am sure you know.”  
I cannot think of any friends I had at the castle, despite having worked there a year. My passion is a solitary one, with few that appreciate it.  
The vision suddenly wavers, and several yards away, there is a circle of elves where there was empty field before. I grab Aaravos’s hand and move closer, to see another version of himself before me, standing separate from four other startouch elves. It is Aaravos, there is no mistaking that, but somehow, he looks younger in a way I cannot place. Perhaps it is the way his hair is done, pulled away from his face in a ponytail, or perhaps it is a softer look in his eyes: more innocent and sparkling with youth.   
Each of the other elves is clothed in glittering jewels and silks, while Aaravos is clothed in a simple robe. One by one, they step forward, each placing a different type of jewelry on Aaravos. First, bangles around his wrists, then clasps on both his horns, then golden braces on his biceps, and finally an ornate necklace draped over his neck.  
I look to the Aaravos I know, to find his expression stoic and still save for the glimmering wetness in his eyes. This is a memory, but I am not sure why he would add this to the vision before me. I reach up to wipe the tears away and comfort him for whatever pain this scene brings up for him, when the vision disappears, and we are back in the mirror prison.  
But… no, this time we are in the library, the room I am prohibited from and only see in passing glances.  
There is a sound of rustling papers and a huffing sigh, and I again see a younger Aaravos hunched over a desk, flipping through a weathered tome. He shuts it with a slam that reverberates through the room and screams. His hands run through his hair, gripping as if he wants to tear it out. His wrist bangles chime against his horns and the metal clasped there, and the sound seems to offend him. He rips off every piece of jewelry and finery, throwing it against the walls as he continues to scream.  
My Aaravos grips my arm like a vice, and with a wave of his other hand, the vision dissipates to leave me stumbling for my bearings. I grab onto Aaravos, so I do not fall, and when I look into his eyes there is barely concealed distress there. “How did you do that? Where could you have _possibly_ learned to do that? Have you found your way into the library somehow to go behind my back?”  
I fumble with my words. “I thought… I… I didn’t do anything! I haven’t been in the library!”  
Aaravos’s eyes flit across my face, and although I do not know what he is looking for, he seems to find it, for his grip loosens, and his expression softens. “You… you truly do not know.”  
“Know what?”  
“You managed to see into my past,” he muses, his lips starting to twitch upwards, delighted as he is at a new puzzle, “Without any additional spell work. That is truly fascinating.”  
So… somehow, the additional visions were not of his doing, but of mine? But I do not even understand what I saw. “Aaravos, what I saw…”  
He places a finger to my lips, eyes pleading. “Please, I… I would rather not speak of it now. Just… come to bed with me.”  
We move to the bedroom, changing into sleep clothes, and as we climb in the bed, Aaravos pulls me close, one hand wrapped tight around my waist, the other holding my head to his chest. I wrap my arms around his midsection, and sling one leg over his so that we can be even closer, slotted against each other.  
We lay like that for so long, I begin to drift off in his arms to the soft stroking of his fingers on my scalp. Half asleep, I still hear him say, quietly, as if speaking to himself, “it is lovely not to be alone anymore.”  
It is lovely, I think, and I place a lazy kiss to his chest, where his heart should be, the heart that is a mirror of mine.   
Aaravos knows how the sound of his voice soothes me, so he will sometimes tell me about his adventures prior to imprisonment as if it were a bedtime story. At this point, I know he laces some enchantment in his voice to aid me in falling asleep. I do not think he can bring himself to fall asleep first, it leaves him in too vulnerable a position.  
Tonight is no different. “Did you know that star mages are only born once every couple hundred years? Just like the storm dragons.”  
“I do not believe I had heard that.”  
“There are very few startouch elves in Xadia, a handful of us at a time. I believe you might be the first star mage since I was free, and perhaps the last one for the next century at least. You… I suppose you will not know any others. You would not live that long.”  
I pull away just enough to look him in the eyes as we speak, still firmly in his embrace. “But I am not an elf… and I was not born this way. Perhaps there is another out there.”  
“Unlikely; even those that connect to the stars without having it by birth are few and far between. Those that you saw in the vision was the entirety of our community. Without having such an indescribable connection innately, almost none are able to understand.” He strokes a hand up and down my spine, sending pleasant chills through me, the kind that remove the tension in my muscles. “Every other elf boasts cities and community, weaving magic into even the simplest of tasks. They take it for granted, enjoy it without even understanding it. The few of us star mages have a responsibility to revere and study magic as the great power that it is, for without us, it would be forgotten. It is an injustice, and most of Xadia was content to let this imbalance remain.”  
“Humans felt the same way I gather,” I note, “that the elves got to keep magic for themselves, while we had to scramble and suffer to survive. It was unfair.”  
“I always sympathized with your plight. Power is the reward of study and dedication. Those that are willing to put in their soul should reap the benefits, any less, and they do not deserve that power. Yet no matter how hard you tried, you could not move above your lot in life, while hundreds of elves had great magic at their disposal innately, and did nothing with it except heat their tea or give themselves shade on a hot day.”  
He grins at me, almost sinister and manic, making my chest constrict with a chill of unease. “But it will not always be this way, my star. Soon, our world will be much different.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Xadia was once one land with magic everywhere, but look at the human kingdoms. You will still find magical creatures and plants, but rarely. Once the humans conquer all of Xadia, they will continue to suck the land dry, and bring about the end to their own power.” He turns his gaze to the ceiling, a faraway look in his eyes. “Dark magic can only survive so long as primal magic is in abundance in the land’s creatures, but its very existence kills them off to feed itself. Eventually, the humans will not have magic to borrow anymore, and the only ones to have that power will be those that deserve it.”  
Aaravos looks back at me, and for perhaps the first time since I have known him, I see genuine affection in his eyes. “I am glad to have you here, another truly deserving mage at my side. We will be like gods to them, starlight.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaravos has a way out of the mirror, but it will only take him. The Astronomer gets out separately, and in the distance from Aaravos, has to decide what kind of person she is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where we get to meet some of the other characters! Yay!

Aaravos has been working on his route out of the mirror for months now, apparently, with none other than the high mage, Lord Viren. However, it will only take him to the other side, leaving me behind.  
“It may be a while before I can come back for you, my star.”  
“How long?”  
“I am still uncertain how time passes here compared to the outside world, so I cannot say.”  
“You are sure you cannot take me with you?”  
He presses a hand to my cheek, and I lean into its warmth. “Do not worry, I shall not leave you to wander this place alone and go mad.”  
“Then… what is your plan?”  
As soon as I ask the question, Aaravos scoops me up into his arms and carries me like a bride to the bed we have shared for so long now, gently tucking me under the covers. “I think you recall the story of the princess that was placed in an eternal sleep?”  
“Mmhmm” I feel the familiar touch of Aaravos’s magic, a heaviness in my limbs and fog crawling over my thoughts.  
“There are many versions to the legend. The one from my home said that another mage was passing through the abandoned kingdom when he found her. He knew she might be under such a spell for a reason, but she was so beautiful that he broke her spell just to ask for a kiss.”  
My eyes drift shut to the fairytale, and I feel the press of his lips on each eyelid. A few sparks of warmth spread through my limbs, a pleasant feeling of safety.  
“My lovely princess caught in my spell. I will have need of you eventually, and I will return for you. Until then, sweet dreams.”  
His voice and the touch of his lips on mine are the last things I remember.

My hearing is the first sense to return to me. I cannot move; I cannot even open my eyes. I can still feel my limbs, but they are so heavy, still so deep in the state of sleep, they have not caught up to my mind which is beginning to dance with consciousness. Perhaps I am still in the land of dreams, for I cannot tell if the voices I hear are figments of my imagination.  
“How is she?” a gentle tenor of a voice asks, a young man by the sound of it.  
“She should be waking up soon.” This voice was female, a weary alto. “How are things at the border?”  
“The mages are struggling, but the barrier is holding up. No one is getting in or out. Once we finish the obelisks, we will be able to give them a reprieve. Until then, we need to wait it out and hope our supplies hold until then… We just need to get by on a little less for the next few weeks.”  
“I hate this…”  
“Well maybe… thought of that….”  
Their voices are drifting out. I am so tired, maybe I can have a few more minutes of sleep before facing the world. Surely that would not hurt.  
Something cold is placed on my forehead, sending a jolt of alertness through my body. I groan, blinking blearily. I can only make out vague shapes, like a humanoid silhouette sitting above me. There is a gentle touch to by head, brushing my hair back. My blurry vision can make out a head of white hair.  
“Aaravos?”  
“Oh… uh… not really.”  
My vision clears enough to see the human girl sitting by my side in the bed. Pale skin contrasts with the dark circles under her green eyes. That, combined with the head of white hair, makes her look like a ghost. She looks… familiar… a face I might have seen a long time ago, but I cannot place it.  
“Who are you?” my throat is so dry; I can barely get the words out.  
The male voice from earlier speaks before the woman can reply to me. “Commander Gren, find my aunt, I’d like her here for this.”  
“Yes sir.”  
I cannot see much from where I am, and I am too weak to move much. I should be well-rested, but instead my muscles seem to have atrophied. The young woman is kind, and aids me in sitting up, propping me up with pillows, and hands me a cup of water. I mouth a “thank you” to her. “You’re welcome, I’m Claudia.” She smiles, but it does not reach her aggrieved eyes. I cannot help but trust her; she has a sweet demeanor to her.  
I turn to the young man, standing back with his arms crossed. He seems to be on the cusp of adulthood, just leaving his lanky awkward stage. His face is familiar as well, though again, I cannot quite place it. “I’m Callum, my aunt Amaya will be here shortly. She, well, we wanted to ask you some questions. Though, I’m sure you have plenty of your own.”  
I recognize these names, they spark something, but I do not know what. Looking around the room, I can see I am in some sort of bedroom, like lodging at an inn, not much in the way of personal artifacts, though there is a tapestry on the stone wall. There is a fire going in the fireplace, and the sky is barely lit outside, either the breaking of dawn or dusk.  
“Where am I?”  
“The castle,” Callum answers.  
“In Katolis,” Claudia adds, upon seeing that Callum’s answer did nothing to illuminate.  
 _Katolis._ “I’m back home?” Then, I recognize their names, the memories breaking through the darkness clouding my mind. I turn my wide eyes to the young man, “ _Prince_ Callum? But… but how?”  
Prince Callum furrows his brow. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”  
“N-no, you would not, I was just a servant. But… you, you cannot be. You… you are a young man. I thought the eldest prince was still a boy.”  
Claudia and Callum share a look that communicates something I am not privy to. The moment of silence is broken abruptly by the door bursting open so hard it swings on its hinges to slam against the wall. “Sorry Callum! But, she was just right there when I told the general and-“  
A furious sunfire elf strides across the floor with a blade drawn that glows white-hot. She shoves Claudia to the side and points it at me, nearly burning my face with the heat that radiates off of it. “Where is your _friend_?”  
“Janai, we don’t know the circumstances!” Callum speaks up.  
“We found her in his _bed_. I would say that is fairly friendly.”  
I blush at her suggestion, which happens to be completely on point. I am not so eager to point that out, however, since it seems to have landed me in hot water for reasons I do not understand.  
“Yeah, we found her in his bed in an enchanted sleep, and we don’t know what happened to get her there. She can barely speak yet, let her breathe!”  
The sunfire elf, apparently called Janai, stares me down for a moment, the heat of anger in her eyes hotter than the blade still inches from my neck. Then, she sheaths the weapon and walks into the arms of another woman I did not see come in. She has short hair and a scar on her right cheek. She makes several motions with her hands that I do not understand. It seems to have some effect in relaxing Janai, and she goes to stand in the corner of the room, keeping her suspicious gaze on me.  
The short-haired woman approaches the bed, making more gestures that I do not understand. Thankfully, a red-haired man translates. “I am General Amaya, and this is my translator, Commander Gren. Let us start simple. What is your name?”  
That is easy enough to give them, though none of them recognize it.  
“You called Katolis your home,” Callum interjects. “Do you have family here?”  
“No… my parents died many years ago, and I was an only child.”  
“How did you get inside the mirror?”  
My eyes flit to Janai, watching from the corner. I look away as fast as I can, but I do not think the action goes unnoticed.  
“We need you to tell us what you know about Aaravos. It is a matter of life and death,” Amaya says.  
“Why? This… I have no idea what’s going on, or how long I have been asleep. My mind is so full of fog.”  
“How convenient,” Janai grumbles.  
The prince seems sympathetic to me, like an older brother despite being at least a few years younger than me. “We can take things a little slower, I understand that this is a lot. You said you were a servant here in the castle? Do you remember that?”  
I nod, trying to communicate my gratitude in a smile. “I was an attendant in the library.”  
“Are you a scholar?”  
“Yes, I was particularly interested in astronomy. I was hoping that having access to the library would allow me to study it properly.”  
Callum sits closer, “what sort of studies, like constellations? What’s there to study?”  
I feel a surge of confidence. This is my passion, something I can speak on with ease. “Well, there are patterns to the stars, constellations, yes, but they move in the sky throughout the night, and over the course of the year. With the proper calculations and measurements, we can even calculate the position of our world in the greater cosmos, but I was nowhere near that. I was just busy charting the stars. And the _wanderers!_ There are five stars in the sky that do not follow the rest, and they even move backwards at times. I was so enamored with them, but once I connected to the star arcanum, I realized they are not stars at all! They do not radiate the same power. They reflect the light of the sun the way the moon does, but they are so far from us that we view them as stars, their brightness indistinguishable. Perhaps they are other worlds across the cosmic seas, it was the greatest discovery I could have hoped for!”  
The room is silent, everyone staring at me with something like surprise on their faces. I try to sink into the wall I am propped up against. I was rambling. “I… I can get a little carried away sometimes. Sorry…”  
“What was that you said about the star arcanum?” Callum asks.  
“Oh…” _oops._ Aaravos said other humans are not supposed to know that yet. But… do I want to help him? They said it is a matter of life and death, and I have always known that Aaravos is no saint. Still, perhaps it is better to keep some things quiet for now. “The star arcanum? Did I say that?”  
“You said you connected to it. When was this? Can you do magic?”  
“Pshh, of _course_ not.” I am a terrible liar. “Humans can’t do magic like that, and I never studied dark magic. Would you really believe that I could do that? When have you ever seen a human do primal magic?”  
The prince levels me with a long-suffering glare, drawing a glowing rune in the air. “Aspiro.” I am hit with a blast of air to my face that smells slightly of jelly.  
Okay… so I guess that cat is out of the bag. “Fine, yes I can do star magic. That…” I take a deep breath. “That is how I meet Aaravos. He told me he could teach me.”  
“Star mages can give prophecies, use divination spells, can’t they?” Claudia asks.  
I look to her, and her worry is written all over her face. “Is there something you would like to know?”  
“We want to know where Aaravos is and what he is planning!” Janai growls.  
“My brother, he’s in Duren right now,” Claudia continues.  
I reach out with one hand to hold hers, and with the other, I trace the complex rune that by now is muscle memory. Perhaps I can provide her a little comfort like she has with me.  
My vision is blinded with a blue-white glow as I connect to the threads of the ever-fluid future. Oh… oh no… I am met with a foreboding sense of danger and loss and pain. Perhaps it is better if I do not tell her, she seems so weak.  
I speak without giving my lips permission, the words completely new to me as they leave my mouth. “Soren has cheated death twice now, and death always comes in threes. Fate demands a greater price than has been paid. You cannot buy his life with butterflies and deer. Death will not be denied, and it will come to claim him again before spring.”  
My vision clears, and when it does, I find my hand empty, and Claudia nowhere to be found. “I’m sorry… I cannot always control the visions once I receive one. I can tell he is important to her.”  
“He’s the only family she has left.” Callum’s eyes are bloodshot, holding back tears, “And Soren is my friend.”  
“I’m so sorry.”  
Callum takes a long, deep breath, then stands to leave. “I need to check on the city border, make sure the wards are holding up. Aunt Amaya, you can take it from here, I’m sure.”  
My heart constricts with guilt, and I want to explain myself further, but Callum leaves too quickly. Thankfully, he at least takes Janai with him.  
General Amaya and Commander Gren are all business. We deduce that it has been five years since I disappeared inside the mirror, and while there is too much to possibly catch me up on, they give me the basics of the current situation. Aaravos has been causing all kinds of havoc, attacking major cities with the humans and even some elves that have joined him as followers. As such, Katolis could be one of his targets, so they have mages maintaining a magical barrier until they can come up with a permanent solution.  
They cannot seem to track Aaravos, they can never know where he will strike next, so they were hoping I could provide them with information. They cannot isolate themselves and stay on lockdown forever.  
Amaya told me her first encounter with him, though she was unaware at the time, was when he destroyed the Sun Forge in Lux Aurea, a display of incredible and dangerous power she witnessed firsthand with her partner, Janai… who apparently also witnessed Aaravos kill her sister.  
That explains her hostility towards me, I suppose.  
I wish I could say I am surprised that he could be so vicious, so destructive. In some ways, I am. He seemed content to work in the sidelines, to set things in motion and wait until people brought about their own destruction. I could convince myself that what he was doing was not all that terrible, that it was the greed and pride of others that destroyed them more than any of his intervention. But… this?  
Perhaps they are lying. They are clearly his enemies after all, and they want me on their side.  
I know he is not a good man, but to go to these lengths? To hurt people on such a scale as this?  
Am I a traitor to humanity?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Astronomer considers morality, and a certain someone returns to wreak havoc.

There is not much that I can tell the people in Katolis about Aaravos, as he was not one to share the details of his plans with me – we focused more on my education and training. It is clear, however, that he is practiced in shielding himself from my vision. Even if I wanted to help them by using my magic, which I am not sure that I do, it would be a futile endeavor.  
I am certainly not willing to disclose the… _other_ aspects of our relationship, though I am sure they suspect. Instead, the best I can do is provide prophecies and visions about the other kingdoms when my strength allows, so I earn my keep at least. Crows can be intercepted, but my visions are instantaneous and secure, though not always predictable.  
Over time, Claudia becomes the best part of my stay here. I can tell that she has other duties, and now that she has assisted in waking me up, I do not know if she should even be coming to see me as often as she does, but I do not dare complain, especially when she brings me extra food. She does not blame me for the information about her brother; she understands how magic can spin out of control, though the knowledge clearly weighs on her. The only comfort I can provide is that no future is set in stone – we are still able to make changes in our fates.  
Claudia understands me – she knows what it is like to hold loyalty and care for an evil person… though I am not totally convinced that Aaravos is evil.  
She tells me about her father a week after I first woke up, about how he always seemed like such a good man, how she believes he was until he was forced into impossible situations. “He’s not around anymore, and sometimes I wish that I knew better and got away sooner… But at the same time, I’m glad that was with him so close to the end, that I was there in his last days.”  
Am I responsible in some way? I could have fought against Aaravos while trapped with him, done _something_ instead of give in to him so easily. If I had been more of a nuisance and interference, would Aaravos had corrupted her father? Or was he already too far gone before Aaravos showed himself to the mage?  
What could I have even done?  
What kind of person am I that I did not even try?

It has been two weeks since I first woke up in the castle, and Claudia and I stand out on a balcony to watch the sunset. I nibble slowly on the pastry she managed to snag. Everyone in the city is carefully rationing their supplies as they run low, so I have to make these little joys last. The first stars are appearing in the sky. I might be able to begin work on my charts again, since it seems my stay will be indefinite.  
Was I under some impression that I would be leaving? No one has been getting in or out of Katolis. Perhaps I was holding out some foolish hope that Aaravos would come for me. Now, I am starting to think that I was nothing but a distraction to break his isolation. Humans know they can do primal magic now; he has no reason to hide me. He has no use for me.  
“Claudia, do you think I am a good person?” I ask, breaking the silence.  
Claudia gives me a wry smile, squinting skeptically. “Are you sure I’m the right person to be asking?”  
That makes me smile at least. “There’s no one else here I trust, no one that trusts me either, it seems.”  
“I think that good and evil aren’t so easy to define. Isn’t everyone just trying to do their best? To get by in life and do what they believe is right?”  
“I suppose.”  
Claudia shrugs. “But maybe that mentality is part of what got me into so many messes.”  
I do not tell Claudia that I miss Aaravos, that I feel abandoned. Even if she would understand, I am not sure I can bring myself to say so aloud.  
I am mad that I have nowhere to go, no place to call home anymore. The mirror is not my home, nor is Katolis anymore. I did not know what I was doing, but now no one trusts me here. I have no friends, and anyone that knows me sees me as some sort of traitor or defector, a thread of hostility under every interaction I have for things that were beyond my control.  
Aaravos, for all his vices, made me feel safe, made me feel valuable and cared for. It is hard to reconcile that with the growing evidence that it was a lie. Why would he leave me behind for so long? Why would he not even _try_ to get in touch with me? Why could he not give me more information for once, tell me what to do when I woke up?  
I feel a tear spill over my lashes, followed by another, and another. I do my best to wipe them away discretely before Claudia notices, but she is too perceptive. She puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, offering me a kerchief. “What’s going on? I’m sorry, was it something I said? I didn’t mean to imply anything. I think you’re a really good person; you’re really fun to talk to and clearly great at magic.”  
I shake my head. “No, Claudia, it wasn’t you, I’ll be fine.”  
Before Claudia can reply, we are interrupted by a loud crash, sending shockwaves throughout the building to where we are standing. I nearly lose my balance, clutching the railing desperately. Claudia grabs my arm and drags me inside, when another explosion shakes the castle, coating our heads in dust shaken loose from the ceiling.  
“What’s going on?” I ask.  
“I have no idea!” Claudia’s eyes are wide and fearful, and she braces herself on the doorframe. “But we need to get out of here, follow me!”  
The two of us run hand-in-hand down the many corridors of the palace. More explosions rattle the building, and we start hearing screams and orders for soldiers among the cacophony. We see another squad of Katolan soldiers run down the hall towards the commotion.  
“Shouldn’t we help?” I ask as Claudia drags me through another alcove.  
“King Ezran has insisted I not use dark magic, especially in combat, and unless you have other spells up your sleeve besides instant messaging and prophecies, I don’t think you’d be much help either.”  
Fair point.  
Claudia pulls me into another room, then opens a hidden passage behind a portrait and we run to the other side. The moment we shut the door behind us, I need to stop to take a breath. I have worked hard on building up my strength these past two weeks, but I have never had to run this much. I lean against the wall and slide to the floor, limbs shaking from adrenaline.  
“We can hide out here for now,” Claudia says, “Most of the civilians know how to get into these passages to hide, or there’s someone that can direct them here.”  
After a few high-strung moments, the sounds of battle subside. I cannot tell if that is a good or bad thing.  
“What do you suppose happened?”  
Claudia dives forward and clasps a hand over my mouth. I am ready to protest, but she puts a finger to her lips in a gesture to stay quiet. I hear movement in the next room and see a blue-white glow shining from beneath the door. Claudia helps me to my feet and guides me backward to move quietly further into the tunnels.  
We make it maybe three steps when the door is blasted apart in a blaze of light, the shockwave knocking us backwards to the floor. My head collides with a rock, sending the room spinning and a sharp pain radiating from the contact. I roll over on to my side weakly, eyes squeezed shut to ignore the spinning. Even that slight movement makes my whole body protest, my head throbbing with a pounding ache.   
A gentle hand glides over the wound, sending cool tingles of relief everywhere the fingers land. The pain begins to subside, as does the dizziness.  
“My darling star, I am so sorry. I did not mean to hurt you,” speaks a low and soothing voice into my ear. I feel the touch of soft lips on my temple, soothing the ache until it is forgotten. I turn my head to look up into black and golden eyes that look down at me with concern, and my lips pull into a smile I cannot hope to stop.  
 _Aaravos._  
There are a million things I want to ask him, a million things I want to say, but they are all inconsequential for a moment as he pulls me into an embrace and kisses me. I melt into it, every concern forgotten as his lips move against mine.  
Rational thought and logic always get in the way eventually. As difficult as it is, I push him away. “Aaravos, what are you doing?”  
He smirks. “Well, I was kissing you, I thought that was obvious.”  
Aaravos leans in as if to kiss me again, but I have to check on Claudia, make sure she is okay. I catch sight of her unconscious a few feet away from me and squirm out of Aaravos’s arms to kneel beside her.  
“Claudia? Are you okay?”  
She does not respond, eyes closed and body limp.  
“Aaravos, please, you have to heal her. She’s my friend.”  
The elf stands, arms crossed and expression inscrutable. For a moment, I think he will refuse, but he moves me out of the way to kneel beside Claudia’s unconscious body. The moment he touches his hand to her forehead, she leaps up with surprising speed, pinning Aaravos to the wall with a blade to his throat. Aaravos’s face betrays his surprise for only a moment before he chuckles. “An impressive ploy, Claudia. You are clever and resourceful as ever.”  
“Claudia, what are you doing?” I ask.  
“Just get out of here, I can handle this,” she answers.  
“Just what are you planning to do, Claudia?” Aaravos asks.  
“You killed my father!” Claudia cries. “You’re going to pay for that!”  
Aaravos smiles bemusedly. “You know, Claudia, I had an abundance of time to read when I was trapped in that mirror. I have every book in that library memorized, one of them a book of human myths.”  
Claudia presses the blade into his skin, drawing a thin stream of blood. Her voice shakes. “Quit- quit stalling. You, you’re not avoiding this.”  
“I am not stalling, Claudia, I am explaining,” Aaravos says, as if he has all the time in the world on his side. “One of the stories goes like this. There was a father and his son that lived near the skywing territory, and every day, they saw the elves and many other creatures fly with their wings gifted by birth or grown with magic. The son wanted nothing more than to fly like the rest of them. The father spent years and made his son a pair of mechanical wings to attach to his arms, but warned him not to fly too high, or the stronger winds would surely rip apart the delicate structure. The son quickly became too drunk on his newfound ability to fly and tried to reach the top of the storm spire. The winds smashed him into the rocks of the cliffside, and the wings were destroyed. The son fell and died. Tell me, Claudia, do you blame the father for his son’s death? Especially after he warned him of the danger?”  
“N-no… but…”  
“I have the greatest sympathy for you, Claudia, to lose both your parents in their pursuit of other things. If I were you, I would concern myself with the family that can still be salvaged. Surely you already know the danger your brother is in.”  
“What have you done with Soren?”  
“Me? Nothing at all, but he is on borrowed time, Claudia. I know he should be twice dead by now had you not intervened. Fate will come to collect unless you can offer something to pay the debt. Ah, but you do not use dark magic anymore, right? Those you aligned yourself with certainly do not take kindly to it.”  
“It’s not… it’s not that simple.”  
“I agree completely. The use of your talents is neither good nor evil, it is _how_ you use them. When the time comes, these people would rather let Soren die than you use your abilities.”  
Claudia looks back at me. “Did you tell him?”  
I am just as surprised as she is. “How could I? I have not seen him before now.”  
Claudia’s shoulders shake, “Just… help me save Soren.” and the blade clatters onto the stone floor.  
Aaravos strides toward me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me towards him. He buries his face in my hair for a moment, breathing a slight sigh before turning back to Claudia. “Take a couple days to manage your affairs and pack, and make sure you leave undetected, then head towards the moon nexus to the east. I will be in touch.”

Aaravos pulls me through the tunnels with such urgency that I am unable to stop to ask questions. For now, having his hand in mine is a comfort, no matter what has happened or what will come.  
When we exit into the light, there is a strange creature waiting for us. It is taller than any horses I have seen in the stables, but its body is that of a deer, with charcoal fur and dark, glittering antlers like black diamonds. It has wings with a deep iridescence to them, shining green, purple, and blue when the light of the rising moon hits it right.  
“He is a peryton,” Aaravos tells me, guiding my hand to stroke the creature’s neck. “His name is Rigel, and he is one of the fastest fliers on the continent.”  
I run my hand as gently as I can along the feathers of Rigel’s wings, marveling at their softness. “He’s beautiful.”  
When I look back to Aaravos, he is staring at me with a slight smile. I had not realized how much I missed him. “Have you ever flown before?” he asks. I tell him I have not. “It is a feeling like no other. I think you will enjoy it.”  
Aaravos climbs on the saddled peryton first, then helps me onto Rigel’s back. I sit in front of Aaravos, and he locks me in with his arms on either side of me. With a running start, we take off into the sky, and I shut my eyes tight as we climb up in the air squealing in fear of the unknown. Aaravos rests his chin on my shoulder as we level out, speaking just loud enough for me to hear him above the wind rushing in my ears. “Open your eyes, you’re safe with me.”  
Slowly, I peek out of one of my eyes until I can open both of them, and the sight is beautiful. The sky stretches out before us, the stars dancing across the twilight blue. Clouds and fog swirl in the wind nearby, rolling over the dark green hills below. The wind whips my hair and roars against my ears, causing a slight chill. Thankfully, it is summer, and so the cold is not too bad, but I take the excuse to snuggle into Aaravos’s embrace, warmth radiating off his chest.  
I take a brief look back from where we came, glancing over my shoulder, and my heart drops to my stomach.  
There is not much I can see, but there is a great plume of smoke rising up, and I can make out the orange glow of several large blazes that seem to cover the whole city.  
“Aaravos… what… what did you do?” I cry.  
The elf maneuvers Rigel so that I cannot crane my neck to see the burning city anymore. “We are at war, my star.”  
“How did you even get in? They’ve been keeping up a magical barrier, dozens of mages were working on maintaining it.”  
I can feel Aaravos chuckle against my shoulder more than hear it. “Yes, they put up an admirable effort. Under ordinary circumstances, it would have kept me out, but I had an anchor on the inside.” His lips press a kiss to my neck. “Our connection, forged five years ago, gave me a link to get through their walls. My victory is thanks to you, my darling starlight.”

I am weary from the late hour and the long journey on Rigel’s back, but my heart aches with all the unanswered questions and distressing revelations, and so, try as I might to lean into Aaravos’s arms and rest on the way to our destination, I cannot fully relax.  
We land on top of a mountain with ruins and buildings that seem to be of elf design. But… we did not cross the border. I would have noticed if we passed over a river of lava. Are we still in Katolis?  
Aaravos helps me dismount, and two humans come to greet us. One of them opens his mouth to speak, but Aaravos silences him by holding up his hand. “The attack went smoothly, and I am sure that Soliana can give you the details you need, she has already returned, yes?” The man nods. “Then go bother her if you must. I need to rest.”  
The two men leave without another word, and Aaravos guides me with a hand on the small of my back. “Come, I will show you where we are staying for the night.”  
He guides me though the small village, where various people move about, some working on weapons, others practicing magic (dark magic, most of them). The population is mostly human, but I notice a few elves in the mix. There are some buildings that are ruined, only the strongest pieces of foundation remaining. Others are in perfect condition, circular huts with stonework that weaves into the roof like vines, and still others seem to be newer dwellings, wooden sheds of a more human style. The paths are winding and made of beautifully cut stone, and lamps of both flame and some blue mage light illuminate our way.  
“What is this place?” I ask.  
“This is called the Moon Nexus, a place of great primal energy. Before the first war, the moonshadow elves would study here, but it was abandoned when the elves moved east and drove the humans west,” Aaravos explains.  
“This has been here in the human kingdoms all this time? Right under our noses?”  
Aaravos smirks. “It was protected by a moon mage for a long time, but she recently abandoned it to travel the human kingdoms in disguise. I hear she fell in love with a human on her travels, so she has not returned. The strong moon magic here makes it a perfect hideout: should anyone approach, we can hide ourselves with illusions and make a retreat.”  
It is clever, and while I admire that in Aaravos, I am not sure I am a fan of how he is using his cleverness.  
“Here we are, starlight, our temporary home,” Aaravos announces, showing me to one of the circular cottages closer to the peak. He opens the blue doors for me, leading me inside.  
I fiddle with the hem of my shirt as Aaravos shuts the door behind us. “I appreciate the privacy because we really need to ta- oh!”  
Aaravos cuts me off with an intense kiss, pressing his mouth to mine as if he has been parched and I am his only source of water. He holds me tight against him, crushing yet gentle all at the same time. He cradles my head, tangling my hair in his fingers. I sigh into his mouth, clutching to him like a lifeline. He spins us around, and my back hits the wall so hard I hear something fall off a nearby shelf.  
I cannot get a single word in, his mouth never leaving mine. He cups my face in his hands, stroking my cheeks and carding his fingers in my hair, such a sweet caress that alights my nerves and sends a shiver through me. His lips are chapped from the wind on our flight here but move so deliciously.  
“Aaravos, wait, I need to talk to you. I have so many questions…” I trail off into a soft sigh as he kisses my cheek. I grab his horns and pull his face from me. “Aaravos, there is so much that needs to be said.”  
He moves in close to me, our noses touching. “Then speak, my star, I am listening.”  
“Well, you left me alone, I didn’t know what happened to you when I woke…” he tugs on my hair to kiss along my jaw. “And… Katolis, what you did there…” he nibbles at my neck, “Oh, damn.”  
“Do not let me stop you.” His tone is playful, and he smirks down at me. “You were saying?”  
What _was_ I saying?  
His hands and lips are barely anywhere indecent, yet he plays my body like a master musician plays their favored instrument. “Aaravos, what you’re doing, it isn’t right. You’re… you’re hurting people.” His teeth tug at my earlobe, and he pulls gently at the roots of my hair, just grasping the strands in his hand.  
“I had forgotten what cute ears you have, so small,” Aaravos murmurs against my temple. “Even with my freedom, these past few years have felt so long. I have missed you terribly.” He drags his lips along the line of my jaw, then pulls me in for another mind-numbing kiss. There is something different about him, something hungrier in the way he touches me. It awakens a fervor in me, yearning to match his intensity.  
Does he use his magic on me in these moments? What sort of spell does he cast on me to kindle and stoke such a blaze of want in me?   
I try to remember what I was saying. I _was_ saying something, right?  
I run my fingers in his hair, tangled from the ride here, but just as soft as I remember. He let me braid it once, it would be nice to do that again. I pull his face to mine for another kiss, our tongues intertwining. He smiles against my mouth, and when he pulls away, he does not conceal his desire. He grins wickedly, as if ready to devour me.  
I barely regain my train of thought. “You, they told me, at the castle, that you’ve been attacking all over Xadia… You are destroying people’s homes… I cannot sit by while you _kill_ people!”  
Aaravos pauses in his kissing along my collarbone to arch a playful eyebrow. “Are you saying you want to help me kill people?”  
His question leaves me so stunned that I have an even harder time forming words. “N-no! That! That is not! No!”  
Aaravos tilts his head in a non-committal gesture with a smirk. His hair brushes over my skin like feathers. “Tell me about your time in Katolis. Did they treat you well? Allow you to continue your studies? If they hurt you at _all_ …”  
“No,” I reassure him, cupping his cheek and running my thumb along the markings there. “They… they certainly did not trust me, but they did not harm me.”  
The thought brings me back to when Janai threatened me… and the horrific way in which Aaravos killed her sister and hurt her people.  
“I imagine returning to the place you once called home must have brought up some confusing emotions, especially if you did not receive a warm welcome,” Aaravos says, voice low and soothing.  
“They all thought I was a traitor… even when I had no idea what was going on. I am not sure I have a home anymore since I am not welcome there.” Fresh tears sting my eyes as I speak, and Aaravos pulls me into an embrace.  
“Your home is with me, my darling star, and mine with you. I spent hundreds of years in that damned prison and retained my sanity. Yet just a few seasons without you, a _blip_ in my lifespan, and I nearly go mad with wanting you again.” He kisses the top of my head. “They saw you use your gifts and thought of how they could use you, only kept you because they needed you. However, there is no magic that you can do that I cannot. All I want is _you,_ your happiness, and your presence by my side.”  
Aaravos pulls away to look at me face-to-face, golden eyes pleading. “I know this must be frightening, but please, forget about Katolis and stay with me.   
“I missed this,” he murmurs, “I missed you.”  
I turn to face him fully, my forehead pressed against his. “I missed you, too Aaravos.”  
Staying the night cannot hurt, can it?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is lovely with Aaravos, but the Astronomer feels a nagging sensation that she is forgetting something.

The Moon Nexus is perhaps the best place to study the stars that I have ever seen. The wide-open space by the lake allows for a broad view of the sky, and the elevation of the mountain means that the sky is clear more often than not. Aaravos has taught me well, and my growing understanding of the star arcanum makes my charts more precise than ever.  
It has been a few months since Aaravos rescued me from Katolis, and he believes we may have to move base soon. He thinks the nearby village may have started to suspect, and thus word will reach our enemies.  
I often wonder what Aaravos does, what battles he fights. Perhaps that is why I am so enamored with him. I hunger for knowledge, for understanding, and Aaravos might be the greatest puzzle in all the world.  
There is a constant nagging sense that there is something I am forgetting. Aaravos occasionally calls me his “absent-minded scholar,” for how often I can overlook the simpler things, but I suppose we are both big-picture types. He is going to save humanity from themselves and punish Xadia for their hoarding of knowledge. I do not need to know the details; as long as I am with him, I am happy.  
Everyone admires him here: his skill, intelligence, and knowledge. He keeps me close at all times, saying my touch keeps him sane, keeps his mind from running off with him. I often think that I am the one that benefits more from it; however, the sweet delight of his casual caress is the highlight of any day.  
Aaravos left this morning on some sort of errand, and I do not know when he will return, so I distract myself with the charting of the stars.  
He crafted a new astrolabe for me… or commissioned someone else to craft it. I cannot recall. It gleams in the moonlight, made with gold he brought back from Lux Aurea. He always brings back something from his travels. A jeweled comb, a waterlogged and carefully preserved tome from the coast, but the astrolabe is my favorite, and I am reminded of him and his affections every night.  
The stars would be difficult to make out for an average human, the waxing gibbous light of the moon washing out the dimmer light of the stars. These are the advantages to being a star mage. At times, it is as if I can sense where they are without being able to see them with my naked eye.  
I wonder if I could get him to bring me a telescope the next time he goes to the coast, the kind they use for navigation. With a few adjustments, I could try to get a better look at the wanderers and confirm my suspicions they are other worlds.  
A memory crashes into me, sudden and unbidden… I was speaking with the prince of Katolis, telling him of my theories.  
When would I have ever spoken with the prince? Certainly, when they had captured me, they would not have sent the prince for an interrogation.  
Prince Callum was so kind, why would he have been kind when they kept me prisoner?  
Now… I… why do I struggle to remember something so recent? I had not even noticed that I cannot remember my imprisonment at the castle. I remember Aaravos saving me, healing my wounds.  
What happened then? I must have fallen asleep on the journey.  
No, I distinctly remember being too anxious, but why would I be anxious when he had saved me?  
There is such a powerful block, were they really too traumatic for me to face?  
There was fire…  
I shake my head, trying to return my attention to the stars and losing myself in the methodical work and scratch of my quill on the parchment.  
I am so caught up in the battle between my emotions and logic that I do not notice Aaravos until he wraps his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. “I love watching you work, starlight.”  
I lean back into his embrace with a smile. “So you have said, but you are far too distracting for me to work properly.” I spin in his arms to face him and kiss him in greeting. “But you are forgiven for disturbing me since I missed you today.”  
He brushes his fingers in my hair, gently scratching my scalp. “I always miss you when we are apart.”  
“You must not have had to travel far. You only left this morning.”  
“Just a little business at the Xadian border, but I would rather leave my work behind for now. What have you been up to?”  
I remember the distressing and conflicting memories. “Aaravos… I… what happened when you rescued me? I cannot remember for some reason, and I hate not knowing. Why can I not remember?”  
Aaravos’s soothing expression darkens for a moment. “It was very distressing for you…”  
“I remember there was fire, so much fire. I… I know they kept me prisoner, but Katolis was still my home, and… and I… did you do something? Why can I not remember?”  
Aaravos holds me tight to him, pressing kisses to my head and shushing my cries. “You need not concern yourself with that.”  
His embrace is a comfort, but his words make no sense. “What are you saying? I… this… it hurts, and I have no idea why.”  
“I know, my star. You will be okay, just relax.”  
His soothing baritone is almost hypnotic, and I can feel a wave of peace through our mental connection, the stroke of his magic swirling through my mind like fog rising from the earth after a summer storm. His hand traces nonsense symbols on my back, and my muscles relax so much I have to lean into him to stay upright.  
I do not think I will ever get enough of this.  
I was just saying something, though, I think. This is why I do not like him around when I am working. He is just too distracting, damn the gorgeous bastard.  
“Was I saying something?” I ask. “Or I was about to tell you something, but I completely lost my train of thought.”  
Aaravos snickers. “Ever the absent-minded scholar. Did you mention something about my next trip to the coast?”  
I perk up. “Yes! I was wondering if you could bring back one of the telescopes they use on ships. I remember reading about optics, and I was hoping to build one on a different scale to better observe the heavens.”  
Aaravos moves to my workstation, a mess of papers and notes strewn about everywhere. I used to be much more organized, I worked in a library after all, but these days I seem even more scatterbrained. Aaravos helps me gather my things and take them back to our cabin, discussing the science of light and vision as we walk back.

The moment we enter the bedroom, I corner him for a kiss, running my hands through his hair and nibbling on his bottom lip.  
“This is certainly a pleasant surprise,” he says with a smirk.  
I trail kisses along his jawline to his ears and pull the lobe between my teeth. “I missed you.” I graze my fingers along the sensitive spot at the back of his neck, and he hums happily.  
“If I did not hate being away from you so much, my star, I would suggest that I leave more often.”  
He pulls me in for another kiss, greedy but slow. We take our time, enjoying the simple affection. I ease the cloak from his shoulders, massaging them as I go. I pull away from the kiss to admire his face, a deeper purple coloring his cheeks, the markings seeming to sparkle and glow brighter with the blush. His eyes are still shut, the snowy eyelashes long and lovely against his deep blue skin. They flutter open a moment later, revealing the gold irises I have come to adore. His eyes crinkle slightly with a fond smile, one of his rare genuine ones.  
I trace one of his horns with my fingertip, admiring every aspect of his beauty I can. Even compared to other elves, he seems so heavenly and otherworldly. How was I so fortunate as to catch his attention?  
My voice trembles, just above a whisper. “I love you, Aaravos.”  
His smile falls, leaving behind an unreadable mask. The best that I can tell is that he is deep in thought. It does not exactly inspire confidence in my vulnerability. My chest is tight, my heart in my throat.  
“You are mistaken,” he says, voice stern and curt.  
I scoff, unable to form words for a moment. I stammer, mouth hanging open as I try to remember what words are. “I think I would know my own feelings, Aaravos.” My eyes grow hot with tears, and my cheeks burn in shame. “You may not feel the same, but that does not give you the right to tell me my own feelings.”  
“You may think you love me, but you do not, you _cannot._ ” His touch is gentle as he moves me aside to put physical distance between us, but his words are enough of a slap to the face anyway.  
I must have a death wish, but I place a hand on his chest, and trace the rune that will allow me to divine his emotional state. I want to know what he is avoiding, what he is really thinking for once. He grabs my wrist to stop me from finishing the spell, fire in his eyes. I shrink away from him. “I just want to understand you. I understand you may never feel the same way about me. I know I will die centuries before you, but-”  
That seems to set him off; he releases his grip on me with a shove to my wrist, as if the contact had burned him. He grabs his cloak, wrapping it over his shoulder in one swift motion, and rushes out the door.  
I let him go, knowing there is nothing I can do now to ease my broken heart. All I can do is wait for the oblivion of sleep to ease my pain.

I wake to Aaravos climbing into bed and pulling me into an embrace from behind. He nuzzles his nose into the junction of my neck and shoulder. “You do not know me the way I know you, and I plan to keep it that way. I have resigned myself to this for your well-being, that you will never truly care for me the way I do for you.”  
I want to argue, but I am still half in the world of dreams, and I know he needs to get this off his chest.  
“I did not expect to care about you so much. At first you were merely a curiosity, but now…” he sighs, “Now I cannot let you go. Your constant questioning, your mind, you are so beautiful. I need you with me, by my side. It is an unfortunate weakness, and I had to adjust my plans to accommodate you, but I am nothing if not flexible. I only got this far because I can adapt when the situation calls for it.  
“So, rest assured my star, nothing, not anyone nor any force of nature, can ever take you away from me. The restrictions of your lifespan are just another obstacle to overcome. You are _mine,_ starlight, and I will take care of you. You may never truly love me, but we will be happy together, and that is what matters.”  
I turn in the bed to face him. “Aaravos…”  
“Shh, just rest now.”  
I am too tired to object, so I settle into his arms and drift back to sleep.

While each culture has different names or interpretations of the constellations, the groups of stars they choose are often the same or overlap. Tonight, I find the queen and the great bear and transcribe their locations relative to the river of stars visible in the summer. The full moon is bright enough tonight that I do not need additional candles to write with. I might have to revisit my calculations, triangulate our location in the cosmos based on how the constellations change overnight and over the seasons combined.  
My senses pick up on someone approaching, trying to make it unseen. I might have been more easily fooled if it were not for my training. Perhaps Aaravos is testing how long he can go unnoticed when I am involved in my work. I stifle my smile, lest I let him know I have caught on to his game.  
He is remarkably quiet, not even disturbing the underbrush. I can sense him just beyond one of the nearby toppled pillars behind me. “What do you plan to use as an excuse to disturb my work tonight, Aaravos?” I ask playfully as I turn to face him.  
That…  
That is not Aaravos.  
I am face-to-face with a moonshadow elf, his figure shadowy and translucent like smoke, and he carries two blades, both raised to attack.  
“Who…” I gulp as I take a few steps backwards, “Who are you? Why are you here?”  
 _Aaravos! Help!_ I reach out with the mental connection I share with him, hoping he can get here before I am run through.  
The elf seems to look at something just over my shoulder. “She’s the one?” he asks, voice gruff.  
I feel the press of sharp steel to my neck and chest, two separate blades as another figure slides up behind me. “Yeah, this is her. Fits the description perfectly.”  
 _Aaravos, please._ “Who exactly do you think I am?”  
“The monster’s weakness, the only human star mage,” the elf – at least, I assume it is another moonshadow elf, for I cannot see them – speaks in my ear, their hold on me tightening.  
I tremble in their grip, shivering at the chill from the metal that could end my life in a moment. “You… you’re moonshadow assassins.” My voice shakes, and I struggle to steady it. “What could you want with me? I thought you were quicker than this when killing someone.”  
They do not bother to answer my questions. The two elves seem to exchange some silent communication, and the one not currently holding my life in their hands darts into the trees and disappears. It is then that I hear Aaravos’s voice through the trees, calling my name.  
I have never heard him like this before, never heard that voice so strained and stressed.  
He runs in from the path, and the assassin pushes me forward, blade nearly cutting my throat in the process. Aaravos sees us, and the glow and sparkle of the stars on his skin fades to leave his coloring almost gray. “It is time you properly answered for your crimes, Aaravos. Banishment was clearly too merciful.”  
Aaravos’s features twist into a vicious scowl. “You call centuries of suffering _mercy?_ ” he spits. “If it is me you are after, why bring a random human into this? Did you think you could get information from her?”  
I am not hurt by his behavior; I know he is doing this to protect me, but they seem to think they can get to him through me. They were not wrong – I brought him here with my cry for help. Three moonshadow elves seem to spawn from the darkness to surround Aaravos, their weapons ready. I can sense the power simmering just under Aaravos’s skin, the air electric with his power the same way one can feel a storm approaching.  
The blades barely pierce my skin, causing a sting and drawing an involuntary whimper from my throat. “If you want her to live, you will not fight us.”  
I wish I could be braver for him, but I am scared, and I do not want to die.  
I can feel the sharp pain of the lower blade cutting into my skin, the trickle of blood seeping through my clothes. Tears run down my cheeks from the pain.  
Aaravos glare is like murder at the elves closing in around him, but all he does is raise his hands in surrender. _No, Aaravos, do not do this._  
“On your knees,” one of the elves commands, close enough to just have his blade inches from his face.  
 _I think this one will be the first to die, my star._ Aaravos’s voice in my mind is calm, without a hint of doubt that he will come out on top. _The one that hurt you, though, that one will suffer the longest._ Aaravos meets the eyes of the assassin standing above him, the corner of his mouth turning up ever so slightly. “You must think I am a fool.”  
“Just a fool in love, apparently.”  
“No, no, not that. I just could not help but notice that each of you have a wristband on each arm,” Aaravos muses. The assassin behind me tenses in the arms. “So, I do not think you have any intention of letting either of us walk away alive.”  
There is a flash of light and the elves around him are thrown away from him by the blast of energy.  
That is the last I see before the cold knife cuts deep through my skin, and the assassin drops me to the ground.  
It is all pain, pain, _pain._ I can’t – I can’t breathe. There is too much blood, it fills my airway. I cannot even cough.  
No, no, no, no, _please make it stop, oh gods._  
I – I am going to die.  
My blink up at the stars, my vision blurring with tears and body spasming as it tries to get breath. It hurts oh fuck it _hurts._  
Dark tendrils of deep purple mist crawl over me, and my airway clears enough that I can take in a clattering breath, coughing out blood in my exhale. I turn my head to the side, spitting up the blood and gulping in grateful mouthfuls.  
I had barely noticed my surroundings in my suffering, more preoccupied with imminent death, but somehow, I am still alive, and now I can hear the screams.  
I wearily lift my eyes to see Aaravos standing over one of the assassins. By process of elimination, I can tell he is the one that threatened me. Dark magic bursts from Aaravos, his hair whipping in the breeze and eyes glowing violet. He looks like a vengeful god.  
Or maybe a demon.  
The assassin writhes and twitches on the ground, screaming in agony. One hand is extended to the moonshadow elf, seeming to suck the very life out of him. The other hand is pointed to me, where the mist that swirls around me comes from, seeming to stitch my skin back together and restore my strength.  
Oh, gods.  
My stomach lurches, and I force myself to keep from vomiting, swallowing down the bile taste in my throat. Before long, the screaming stops, and the magic fades, leaving behind a pale, colorless husk of a corpse.  
When Aaravos looks back at me, his eyes are completely black, and the diamond markings on his cheeks have turned an ashy gray.  
My pain is barely there anymore, just a dull ache. I touch the spot on my neck and feel only smooth skin there. Aaravos kneels down in front of me, and I instinctively flinch away from his frightening façade. Yet, even the almost monstrous appearance seems so sad when I pull away from him.  
“Are you still hurt?” he asks, his voice soft and posture nonthreatening, as if having to tend to a wild animal.  
I try to speak but find I can barely croak. The attempt sends a fresh ache through my throat. Aaravos’s demeanor changes again to something cold and detached. He walks to the prone figure of one of the assassins, who groans weakly as he lifts them by the neck, still alive, but barely. What little life they had seems to drain from the point of contact, and they die with a feeble cry, too wounded to fight back.  
Aaravos’s palm glows and presses it to my throat. My instincts cause me to panic for only a moment as the pain subsides and cool relief spreads from his hand into my vocal cords. I tentatively speak his name. “Aaravos”  
There is no pain this time, and Aaravos sweeps me up into his arms, holding on to me like a lifeline. “My darling star, you are safe now.”  
The tears come before I can stop them, and I sob freely into his chest, barely able to get words out. “I was so scared.”  
“Shh, starlight, you are safe, I would never let anyone take you away from me.”  
I bury my face in his chest; I cannot bear to look at him right now, not when he does not look like himself. The image of him killing the assassin so brutally plays in my mind’s eye on a loop. They were going to kill me, they nearly did. I should be grateful to be alive, and I am, but…  
I cannot wipe the sound of their agony from my mind.  
Aaravos holds me to his chest, stroking my back and soothing me like a mother would a child. My sobs begin to die down, all my tears used up.  
Aaravos’s voice is only a murmur when he speaks, as if he is speaking to himself more than he is to me. “Perhaps it would be better if you forgot this as well.”  
As well?  
“Close your eyes, my star,” he instructs. I do as he asks and he lifts my face up towards his. I can feel his breath fan against my lips. He touches his forehead to mine, but I leave my eyes closed, not wanting to look into those empty eyes. “I love you,” I feel his lips move against mine as he speaks the words I have craved to hear. “I love you. Let that be all you remember tonight.”  
He kisses me, and my mind goes blank.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaravos is stressed, and the Astronomer wants to do something nice for Aaravos in the aftermath of his declaration of love

“Adjust your grip, it’s too tight.” Aaravos coaches, guiding my hand on the dagger’s handle. “Too tight and you will strain yourself, but too loose and you are too easily disarmed.” He helps me position my hand so that the dagger’s handle is secure in my hand.  
“Now, let me see your stance again,” he instructs. I adopt my best approximation of a fighting stance, dagger forward. Aaravos shakes his head and sighs defeatedly. “Have you ever fought before? Even once?”  
I pout. “My body is made for libraries and work desks, not battlefields or dark alleys or wherever you seem to think I will end up that I should learn to use a dagger.” I inspect the blade, the stone handle polished to an almost gem-like gleam, and the silver blade carved with swirling designs down them middle. It is as much a work of art as it is a weapon, Aaravos’s first gift to me since we left the Moon Nexus for reasons unknown.   
“Is it not enough that I have a weapon at all? What hidden danger do you think lurks around here? Everyone is terrified of your wrath should any harm come to me, and I never leave the camp.” I poke his side teasingly. “Will I have to defend my secret stash of taffy from a certain elf with a sweet tooth?”  
The playful jibe manages to coax a slight smile out of him, the first I have seen all day. He kisses the top of my head. “Just… indulge me, would you my love?”  
We spend the next hour at least going over self-defense, and I do my best to demonstrate as much competency as possible. I can only suppose that declaring his love has made him more protective than usual, and I do not want him to worry about me.  
He _loves_ me. I find myself stifling a grin and a blush whenever the thought arises. I love him, and he loves me. What more could I ask of this life? How could I even think to be so selfish as to ask the fates for anything else? A few self-defense lessons, while tiring, are a small price to pay.  
I am a lovestruck fool, but I am so happy about everything else in my life, I cannot bring myself to care.  
When the sun dips below the horizon, Aaravos releases me from the fighting lessons to work on my charts. “Promise me you will keep this with you at all times,” he says, pushing the sheathed dagger into my hands.  
“If it will put your mind at ease, then yes, I promise.”

Our lessons continue for a fortnight, and still he seems ill-at-ease despite my progress and growing strength. Sometimes I will wake in the middle of the night to Aaravos clinging to me like a raft in the middle of the ocean, but still he refuses to tell me what stresses him.   
I want to do something nice for him. He is almost always waiting for me when I come to bed at night, ready to wrap me in his arms and send me to the land of dreams. Perhaps I could surprise him by waiting for him and help him relax a little.  
Tonight, I let Aaravos think I am working on my star charts when in reality I am preparing our tent for a romantic evening. I light some incense and have sweet wine at the ready. I have limited resources given the situation, but I manage to create a cozy and romantic atmosphere, I think. For light, I use a type bioluminescent flower that I found growing nearby. Scattering the blooms around the floor, they fill our tent with a warm pinkish-golden light.  
Then, of course, for the finishing touch: I strip down to my underthings, an ill-advised decision as we are well into autumn now, and now that the sun has set, I have to wrap a blanket tight around me as I wait for Aaravos to return.  
I am uncertain how much time has passed, but it has been a while… Perhaps I could have planned this a little better. I decide to occupy myself with a book of myths, losing myself in a romantic story of the god of death falling for the goddess of spring.   
“What is this, starlight?” Aaravos asks, stepping inside the tent.  
 _Damn it._ I wanted to be waiting for him with a sexy pose of some sort. Instead he finds me hunched over a book with a blanket cloak. I slap my forehead with my palm. “Ah… well, I was trying to surprise you, but you caught me off-guard.”  
Aaravos stifles a laugh. “Shall I exit the tent and give you another chance at a first impression?”  
I blush. He might be joking, but… “yes, actually, that would be great,” I say with my best attempt at a professional tone and straight face.  
He nods with a smile, spins on his heel, and leaves the tent. I toss the blanket and book aside, moving to lay across our bed as seductively as possible.  
“What a long day! Time to retire to my tent,” Aaravos projects his voice like a stage actor from outside the tent, making it difficult to keep from giggling. “Ah, but my darling could not possibly be done with her important work in astronomy, so I suppose I will be returning to an empty tent to wait for her.”  
No one could accuse him of underacting, that is certain.  
Aaravos enters the tent again, this time putting on an exaggeratedly surprised air, raising his hand to an open mouth. “Oh, look at this! What a lovely surprise to come back to!”  
I drop any pretense of seduction and laugh, shaking my head at the gesture. Aaravos kneels beside me, kissing my cheek. “You are too good to me, starlight. It really is a delight to find you here waiting for me, _especially_ like this.”  
I pull him in for a proper kiss, ending with a peck on his nose. “I haven’t even gotten started yet.” I reach around him, grabbing the bottle of wine I managed to snag and showing it to him. “Of course, I don’t have proper glasses, but it’s something” I shrug. “But I thought I could try to give you a massage, and you could tell me what’s been bothering you. Perhaps all of that combined will help you relax.”  
“What brought this on?”  
“Do not think your stress has gone unnoticed, Aaravos.” I brush back a stray lock of silver-white hair. “I do not know what exactly has you so on edge, but I hate to see you like this.”  
Aaravos rests his head on my shoulders, careful of the horns and pointing them away from me. “It is… complex, and I do not wish to burden you.”  
“I love you, that means I want to share in your struggles.”  
Aaravos caresses my cheek. “There are some things better left unknown, my love, but I will certainly accept the rest of your generous offer.”  
Aaravos removes his cloak, followed by his shirt, and leans back into my arms as I rub his shoulders, kneading at the knots of tension there. Even after all this time, I cannot help but admire him, with his midnight blue skin and glittering star-like freckles. The same way I never grow bored of looking at the night sky, I cannot tear my eyes away from him.   
Aaravos passes the bottle of wine over his shoulder to me so I can take a sip. “What were you reading when I came in?”  
“An old fairytale.”  
“Would you tell me the story?”  
“I am sure you would have read it before, so what would be the point?”  
Aaravos hums, stealing a glance over his shoulder at me. “I enjoy the sound of your voice, my love, and even if I have heard it, I want to hear how you would tell it.”  
So, I tell him the story of the god of death and the goddess of new life, how he watched her from afar, for he could not get close to her. He instead waited at the edge of his realm, singing songs he learned from the dead in hopes of drawing her to where he could reach.  
“Once she was in his realm, she found herself just as captivated by the god of darkness as he had been with her. He invited her to dine with him, but little did she know that by eating his food, she bound herself to his realm, unable to leave, and the god rejoiced that he would never be alone again.” I place a kiss to the back of Aaravos’s neck. “Hm… does that remind you of anyone?”  
Aaravos laughs, then groans a little as I hit a particularly stubborn spot of tension in his back. “I have no idea what you could mean by that, starlight.”  
“You’re a clever man, Aaravos, I think you could figure it out.”  
The elf pantomimes thinking it over, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Are you saying I am dark, mysterious, and handsome?”  
I shake my head, running my hands over his shoulders and down his chest. “I never said the god was handsome in the story!”  
“But you said the goddess was attracted to him.”  
“Maybe she had poor taste,” I kiss his neck just below his ear, and Aaravos takes the opportunity to pull me into his lap. I squeal as he flips me over to land right in the crook of his legs.   
Aaravos kisses and nuzzles his face into my shoulder, and I barely hear his mumbled question. “Do you ever regret joining me in the mirror all those years ago?”  
It takes me a moment to process the question, and I pull him away by the horns to look him in the eyes. His face is uncharacteristically soft and vulnerable, eyebrows tilted in a way that makes him seem almost afraid of my answer. I cup his face in both hands, staring directly into his eyes to get my point across as clearly as possible. “ _Never._ ”  
His features relax, and he pulls me in for a searing kiss. Whatever stresses him has clearly had him exhausted, and when we break the kiss, he snuggles into my arms. “All I need to rest is you in my arms,” he says, voice muffled against my skin. We curl up in bed together, cuddling close. Aaravos has a sleepy smile on his face, and my heart is lighter at the sight of him so relaxed and peaceful.   
Aaravos kisses my forehead. “Thank you for tonight, my star. It was lovely, and I thank the fates that brought you to me every day.”  
“Flatterer.” I nuzzle into the crook of his neck, holding him tighter to me. “I am just glad you seem to be feeling better.”  
“I mean it, I could conquer anything so long as you are with me. Like the goddess in your story. You brought such life into my lonely existence.”  
“You didn’t tell me if you had heard that story before,” I note, “Have you?”  
“I have indeed. Did you read to the end? Or would you like me to tell you?”  
I love the way he tells stories, his soothing voice and naturally entertaining demeanor. “Tell me the rest? You would tell it better than the book, I am sure.”  
Aaravos chuckles, adopting a shift to his tone whenever he tells a story. “Well, in the land of the dead, the goddess of spring found that she grew stronger every day where she thought she would wither. After all, the new growth of spring is only made possible by the death in autumn and winter. The decomposing leaves of the fall make for fertilizer come spring and nourish the new life.  
“The other gods feared her growing power and tried to force her to return and leave the man that she had grown to love. Insulted and angry, she turned her new powers on them. From then on, she was also known as the goddess of destruction, for life can be just as devastating as it is lovely, sometimes more so than death.”  
As he says that last line, he sounds almost bitter, his own life experience seeping into the story.  
“But life is never so dark when there is love in it,” I remind him.  
Aaravos snickers. “You know, the strangest part of the myth? They say that mushrooms were created because of their love, life from death.”  
I laugh a little. “So… are the mushrooms their children?”  
“That is certainly how the story makes it sound.”  
“How does someone give birth to a mushroom?” I snort with my laughter at the mental image. “I just picture the poor midwife delivering a giant mushroom! Did it cry like a newborn or was it just a regular inanimate mushroom?”  
“Thankfully, the myths never went that much into detail, but there is one about a god sewing an unborn child into his leg until it was ready to be born.”  
I do not even want to know that one. “Oh, gosh, did these people even know how babies work?”  
Aaravos keeps entertaining me with ever more ridiculous and silly myths, and we laugh together late enough that I could very well have fallen asleep laughing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dangerous secrets come to light, and the consequences are disastrous.

The next day, a strange young woman with white hair comes running to me, calling my name. She pulls me into a bear hug, the kind that feels familiar, like an embrace from a childhood friend or long-lost sister. “You’re okay! You’re okay! I haven’t seen you in so long! I was worried something happened to you!” The girl pulls away, continuing her rambling. “You must think so little of me, giving up so easily like that, but I had to save my brother; you know how much he means to me. It… it hasn’t been easy, but I saved him. I saved him and now _you’re_ here too and I missed you. Soren, Callum, none of them understand but I figured you would. It is _so good_ to see you.”  
The smile on her face is heartwarming, but… I have no idea what she is talking about. “Um… I’m so sorry I am a bit lost, but… it is good to see you too?” I hold out my hand and introduce myself. “Though, apparently you know my name already.”  
The smile on the woman’s face falls. “You… don’t remember me?”  
I hate moments like this. Should I remember her? Something about her is familiar, but not enough to warrant this kind of affection. Maybe she is this friendly with everyone? “I’m so, _so_ sorry. I- you definitely seem familiar. I’m _such_ a scatterbrain. I don’t really have the memory for names or faces or… well much of anything besides my studies.”  
The woman pulls away, her posture more guarded now. “Claudia… my name is Claudia.”  
The name is familiar, too. “Are you from Katolis? Did I know you when we were younger? I do recognize your name.”  
Claudia smiles, though it does not quite reach her tired eyes. “Yeah! Yeah… I’m from Katolis. We were friends in the castle. Does that ring a bell?”  
I smile and nod. She seems so sweet that I hate to hurt her with my memory issues. “Regardless, I’d be happy to be friends now. Will you be travelling with us long?”  
Claudia shrugs. “I, uh… I honestly wasn’t sure. I may have to keep moving, but I guess I can stick around for a little while.”  
“Well, if you need to be on the move, we’re the right people to hang out with. We haven’t stayed in one place more than a week since the moon nexus.”  
“Why’s that? Did something happen?”  
I shrug. “Aaravos is the cautious sort I guess.”  
Claudia seems skeptical, looking off and furrowing her brow as if she is uncomfortable with the direction the conversation took. She shakes her head and turns to me with a bright smile. “Hey, do you remember when we’d go berry picking as kids?”  
I do not, but I have hurt her enough for one day. “Yeah, yeah I think so.”  
“There’s this type of fruit called a twilight berry in the woods just north of camp. You’re supposedly only able to find them around dusk. Maybe we could go tonight? For old times’ sake?”  
“Is it safe?”  
“Of course! Besides, I hear you’re a star mage now, and I’m a dark mage. We can handle ourselves if we run into trouble.”  
I agree, and we go our separate ways with plans to meet at the north edge of camp at sundown.

That evening, I have my dagger on my hip for protection and a wicker basket for berries. When I approach the meeting spot, I hear voices: Claudia’s and Aaravos’s. For a moment, I think that Aaravos will join us for berry picking, and I stifle a laugh at the mental image of such a refined person doing something so rustic.  
Then, I hear my name in their conversation. Are they talking about me? I should not eavesdrop… but I cannot resist knowing what Aaravos says about me when I am not around. Does he love me the way I love him? Does he talk about me in the lovestruck way I talk about him? I hide out behind a nearby tree, straining my ears to hear them.  
“I can see it hanging over her like a cloud. How many times did she nearly die that you would have to use it so often?”  
“That is none of your concern, Claudia, as impressed as I am with your observations.”  
“It _is_ my concern if it is harming her. She’s missing memories; she did not even remember my name. She looked at me like I was a crazy person!”  
“Perhaps you are not as close as you thought you were.”  
I hear Claudia huff. “That night when you ran off with her, she called me her best friend. I heard what she said. No one just forgets a best friend like that.”  
Best friend? Ran off with me? What in the world is she talking about? Could she be talking about when Aaravos rescued me from Katolis? When was Claudia there? Why do I not remember _any_ of this?  
There is only silence for a moment, then Claudia continues. “Is it the dark magic that’s having an effect on her memories? You might have been the one to give humans dark magic, but we were the ones that perfected it when you were gone. I could help you if you’d let me.”  
“The magic I used to bring her back is not the reason behind her missing memories. That is all you need to know. Does that soothe your conscience, Claudia? She is perfectly healthy; I have seen to that, and she is much happier without some of those distressing memories. If Soren had to witness what you did to save him, would you not spare him that pain?”  
“So, _you_ took them from her on purpose? Does she even know what happened at Katolis at all? What you did to our home? She deserves to know!”  
I chance a peek around the trunk of the tree to see Aaravos step threateningly to Claudia, forcing her to stumble backwards to accommodate for his intimidating presence. He leans forward and says something, but at best I can only hear the rumble of his deep voice, not the individual words. It seems to have a sobering effect on Claudia, however, whose eyes go wide with fear.  
The instant protective instinct I have solidifies her claim that we were friends once, even if I cannot remember. My heart knows that she was kind to me, that she understood me, even if I cannot summon the evidence in my mind’s eye. My whole body is frozen with indecision, simultaneously wanting to go to her and offer comfort, yet also terrified to face Aaravos.  
He did not deny that he took memories from me. What else would he take from me if I were to confront him? What else would I lose? What have I lost already?  
“Do we have an understanding, Claudia?” Aaravos asks.   
Claudia nods, expression sad and resigned.  
The part of me that was worried for her is satisfied that she is not in immediate danger, and so the other half wins out. I run. I run before he can see me and take away these memories, too.

My mind is spinning out of control. What am I forgetting? What happened in Katolis? What was it Claudia was saying about dark magic? That I almost _died?_ Oh gods, oh gods.  
I do not slow in my sprint until I reach the clearing where I have observed the stars this past week. A small sanctuary, at least. Aaravos does not bother me while I work, so I can be alone to think, to process this new information.  
The sky is clear tonight, the crescent moon more than enough light to see by now that my magic has gotten so much stronger. On nights like this, it is as if the stars illuminate the world for me, helping me see clearly.  
Perhaps they can help me see clearly in other ways.  
I sit cross-legged in the grass, meditating on the stars and their timelessness, hoping answers will come. I do not know what magic Aaravos used to hide my own history from me, and it may not be something within my powers to undo.  
The stars agree. That is not the direction I need to take for answers.  
Aaravos hides himself from my vision, from the vision of any star mage I would think. I cannot call upon a vision of him, either.  
I need another focus, another person to draw an image from.  
For a moment, I think of Claudia, but the stars bring another name to my mind, one I do not recognize.  
Amaya.  
The stars have been my friends for years. I trust them. I use the name as the focal point for the visions I seek. Before long, the image of a beautiful woman appears in my mind’s eye: sleek dark hair and broad shoulders, a strong and commanding presence. She has a soft smile and a fierce countenance on the battlefield, like the goddess of victory.  
 _Focus._ I remind myself. _You can admire her later._  
I set aside my emotions and let my mind wander where the stars will lead, like a navigator looking for the north star.  
The vision comes crashing into me with the force of a banther leaping on its prey. Battle, screams, smoke and fire, soldiers navigating the rubble. Another part of the roof above caves in, and Amaya barely manages to protect herself with her shield.  
Aaravos is at the center of the destruction… and he… he’s _laughing._ He takes joy in their struggle, in the chaos and suffering.  
I try to stop the vision, but instead of clarity returning, the vision shifts.  
I see Katolis burning. My home… No. No, I do not want to see this anymore! Make it stop!  
The vision shifts again, and I see Amaya helping people run to safety as a seaside city crumbles and falls into the waves. Aaravos stands at the cliffside, completely unbothered by the collapsing infrastructure around him… because it was his doing.  
I remember something that he said to me so long ago… when we were in the mirror together, that one day the only ones that had power would be those that truly deserved it, that we would be gods. I dismissed it as prophesying at the time, that he would wait for it to happen as something inevitable in the distant future… but clearly he has waited long enough, and he is taking that power now.  
All this to become a god.  
And I have been sleeping in his bed none the wiser.  
The vision fades, and my eyes clear, only to blur again with tears. I let the sobs come, I let my heart break into a thousand pieces for the way he has hurt and betrayed me. I fall to the ground shaking and crying, the pain so strong I could die. Somehow… I know what that feels like. I have the comparison on hand, and it feels right. _Why gods-damn-it_ do I know what that feels like? What has he done to me? What has he done?  
I trusted him. I gave him my heart and he would let me sit like this in ignorance? Am I no more than another puppet to him? How could he do this? How could he be so cruel?  
I pound the ground with my fists and rip up mounds of dirt and grass, anything for an outlet for this pain. I need to let it all go now because, when I get back, I cannot let Aaravos see my distress. I cannot let him know.  
I do not know what to do with myself yet… but I know that he cannot know what I have seen. What is one more secret between us, anyway?

I can do this. I can do this.  
I cannot do this.  
I have to.  
I cannot.  
I must.  
He will destroy the world if someone does not stop him.  
And as fate would have it… I am the only one that he trusts enough to sleep next to, the only one that sees him at his most vulnerable.  
Can I not help someone else do it?  
No… it has to be me. It has to be quick, and I cannot risk someone else’s life for my mission.  
Over these past few days, I have tried to adopt moonshadow philosophy, to think of myself as already dead. If I am to fail… I am sure no amount of supposed love will stop him from killing me. I have to accept that I will die.  
If what little I have been able to glean of that night at the nexus is correct… I should be dead already. Every night I have abandoned my charting and calculations to instead try to see what I can of Aaravos’s doings in Xadia and my missing memories.  
I have been careful to behave as I always have, though my faculties have steadily returned to me. It is as if my mind has quieted in some ways. Without part of my subconscious devoted to searching for answers buried by enchantments, I have regained some clarity of thought.  
I wish things were different.  
I wish I could convince him to leave this all behind. We could run away, leave this war of his making behind somehow.  
But that is the crux of the problem: the war is of his making. As much as I would love to imagine we could hide on some far away island, it is not a real possibility.  
And I have a responsibility to my fellow humans, and to the elves, too, I suppose. He must die.  
We lock up the valuables in a chest during the night, not that anyone would be foolish enough to steal from us.  
Unfortunately, that includes the dagger. Aaravos only leaves it to me for my protection when he is away, regardless. _He_ is all the protection I require from anyone else when he is here, so it makes no sense that I would keep the dagger nearby when we share a bed. I cannot let him know what I suspect, or he would simply remove the memories, and all this progress would be lost.  
There is a spell he has not taught me, one that allows access to a sort of world adjacent to ours. They call it a pocket world, a small vacuum where you can store objects and retrieve them at will.  
When placing the golden astrolabe in the locked chest at night, I can move the dagger to the pocket dimension, provided Aaravos is sufficiently distracted. Then, I will have it on hand.  
Some would call it dishonorable that I should kill him while he sleeps, but it is my only option.  
Next, is to seemingly exhaust myself on a day that Aaravos has to relax. He refuses to fall asleep first, and if he is tired and I am not, then he will cast some sort of sleep enchantment on me. When that happens, I sleep through the night, and he is the one to wake me come morning. No, I need to be believably exhausted, and feign sleep.   
That is when I will strike.

I slip out of the bed ever so carefully. Grass could grow several inches in the time it takes me to move out of the bed, agonizingly slowly so as to not disturb the sleeping elf beside me.  
Once safely out of the bed, I summon the dagger from thin air, bringing it into my hands. I tip-toe around the bed so that I stand beside Aaravos. His silver-white hair fans out on the pillow like a halo, and his white lashes flutter gently against his star-dusted cheeks. He must be having a pleasant dream, for his lips curve upwards ever so slightly.  
It would be most merciful to kill him now, in a moment of happiness, wouldn’t it? How can such a cruel and dangerous person be so beautiful? He looks like some sort of angel, so peaceful and soft.  
I raise the dagger high with both hands, my knuckles turning white with the death grip I have on it. I can do this. I can do this. I _have_ to do this.  
This is the man that burned my home to the ground, that brought dark magic into this world, that killed thousands, maybe tens of thousands.  
I try to goad myself. Do it. _Do it damn you._  
The star marking on his chest is practically a target to make my task easier. My hands shake and I try to steady them in vain.  
All I can see when I look at his face is the smile he gets when I succeed with a new spell, the sweet, gentle teacher. I see the quiet ways he reaches for me, to reach for contact and care, for a soft touch. I can almost feel his lips against mine, soft and desperate and caring.  
Oh, may the gods have mercy on me…  
I cannot do it.   
I still love him despite it all.  
I begin to lower the dagger, wondering for a moment if I should turn it on myself instead… or would Aaravos only bring me back with dark magic?  
And then, I look back down at his face…  
His eyes are open, and they flit between my face and the dagger in my hands, still slightly raised as if to kill. I have only a split second to see the absolute pain and heartbreak on his face before he moves as fast as lightning, pinning me to the ground and wrenching the dagger from my hand. I hear it clatter as he tosses it away.  
With some muttered spell, he encases my arms and legs in stone that rises up from the earth to restrain me. He grabs a fistful of my hair, yanking my head to look him in the eyes. They glow with the magic that flares from him in anger, and they are so full of hurt and shock.  
I thought my heart could not break anymore. I was wrong.  
“Tell me that was not what it looked like.” His smooth voices shakes, strained with heartbreak. “Why… would you want to hurt me, my love?”  
I cannot fight the tears that flow. The only way I will escape this is if he hates me enough to kill me. I cannot kill him, and he will not let me die unless he is the one to deal that blow. “I know what you’ve done, Aaravos. I overheard you talking to Claudia. I know you’ve taken my memories! I know you’re a monster! You’re the scourge of Xadia, killing and destroying people’s homes! What person would _not_ kill such a monster given the chance? I would do the world a favor by ridding it of you.” The insults burn me as I speak them, stabbing my heart.  
Aaravos releases his grip on my hair, stumbling back as if my words dealt him a physical blow. He schools his expression into one of cold fury, and stands over me, more intimidating and terrifying than I have ever seen him, the very image of death.  
I close my eyes, bracing myself for the death that is sure to come, but instead, I hear his footsteps retreat, and the flap of the tent as he leaves without a word.  
 _No. No, he was supposed to kill me._ “Aaravos? Aaravos where are you going?” Get back here and kill me! Enact your vengeance on me and free me from this hell! “Aaravos! Please! Come back! Aaravos!”  
I continue to scream until my voice goes hoarse, and I sob until my tears run dry.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for everything to be out in the open - no more secrets. With truth comes clarity and the the chance for healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the hardest chapter I have had to do so far, what with big life changes and the fact that the emotions in this chapter were difficult to sort out. Heck, I've been having a hard enough time sorting out my own emotions lately.  
> But now I know where I want the story to go for the next few chapters at least, so maybe you guys won't have to put up with such a major delay again!

I am not sure how long it is before Aaravos returns, but when he does, he brings a bag with him. He does not look at me as he enters the tent and sits down on the other side, emptying and sorting the bag’s contents in front of him. I strain my neck, still bound in place, to see what he is doing. He sits facing away from me, but I can see him crushing some sort of rock into powder, and I can hear him speaking under his breath, though I cannot make out what he says. He soon becomes silhouetted by the blue glow of magic, and I dread what he plans to do.  
After what feels like an eternity watching him and wondering what he is doing, he comes over to sit in front of me, carrying a bowl with him. Blue-tinted smoke, apparently much heavier than air, swirls in the bowl almost like a liquid, but unmistakably gaseous.  
“Do you know what this is?” Aaravos asks. I shake my head in the form of a negative answer. “I thought not. This is the product of a ritual combining the moon and stars, something largely lost to time, I imagine, for being so rare. This is one of the many benefits of mastering multiple primal sources: I can perform the ritual myself.”  
“And… what does this ritual entail?” I ask, trying to hide the way my voice trembles.  
“The moon deals in illusions, so this in particular dispels the illusions of lies. Working in tandem, the stars bring forward the truth,” Aaravos’s eyes are cold as he finally brings his gaze to meet my eyes. “Whether the ritual recipient wishes to give those answers or not.”  
Fuck.  
I barely have time to draw in a breath before Aaravos overturns the bowl’s contents over my head, sending whorls of smoke cascading down my body. I hold my breath as long as I can manage, but it seems to be pointless anyway. The smoke seeps into any exposed skin it can find, sending a piercing chill through my body. The sensation creeps up my body until it suffuses my head, making me feel as if my skull has been stuffed with cotton. I had not realized my eyes were shut so tight until I try to open them and find them blurry with stinging tears.  
“How do you feel?” Aaravos asks.  
The answer spills forth before I even know what I am saying, not unlike the feeling of giving a prophecy. “Like absolute shit,” my voice answers. “My head hurts and my arms are sore from being in this position and I think my fingers are going numb.”  
“If I release you, will you try to run?”  
“I don’t really see any point in it right now, so no.”  
With a wave of his hand, Aaravos disintegrates the stone bindings, and they dissolve into dust that I pull my arms and legs through. I rub my limbs gratefully, coaxing the muscles into relaxing. “I am surprised you would do anything that would make me more comfortable right now. Oh, great, does this spell make me say everything on my mind? I hate that; I wish you would not do this.”  
Aaravos puts his hand over my mouth, thankfully stopping my rambling. “Were you going to kill me?”  
When he removes his hand, I answer, “I was at first, but then I couldn’t. I do not know what I would have done instead, but I knew that I could not bring myself to kill you.”  
“And why is that?”  
“Is it not obvious? I still love you. I would rather die than hurt you.”  
“Yet your words were so cruel. Do you think you could not hurt me with your tongue?”  
“I… no. That… that was a final attempt at escape through death. I thought my words would anger you, not hurt you.”  
Aaravos scoffs, a humorless smile on his face. “What is anger but another expression of grief?” Gods this really is worse than death, to have hurt the one I love most this way, and now he will not even _look_ at me. “Why did you want to hurt me in the first place?” he asks, voice steady as he slides back into the role of detached interrogator.  
“Because you hurt me, and because you have been hurting others,” I respond, spiraling into the story of how I accidentally realized he had taken memories from me, emphasizing the randomness of the encounter in hopes that he will not blame Claudia. The spell does its work, revealing even my hidden intentions as I speak. I beg him not to hurt her before he urges me to continue the tale.  
I tell him the visions I have seen, and perhaps I imagine it, but he seems to tense in sympathy as I tell him of the pain of the first night. I cannot hide anything from him, the entirety of the story spilling forth: how I devised my plan, and every step in putting it in action. He only speaks as is necessary to press further, which is not much. I have hated the secrets I have had to keep, and telling them, even though it is sure to end in disaster, is a weight off of my heart.  
“I suppose that is all you needed to hear, was it not?” I ask. “I worked alone, so you need not fear any other secret plot once you get rid of me.” I feel a few tears roll down my cheeks. “You can kill me, and rest assured that no one else can stop you.”  
Aaravos’s expressions are sometimes hard to notice. He can slide into different roles so easily that it is difficult to discern what he is really thinking, but I have known him long enough – _loved_ him long enough – to see that he is surprised by the almost imperceptible raising of his brows. He blinks a few times to process what I have said. “You think I plan to kill you?” he asks.  
“I… I did… but your question makes me wonder otherwise.” My chest is so tight, my heart in my throat. “What else could you possibly do? Remove my memories again so I can continue to be your compliant puppet? Why would you want me anymore, even as a plaything? As much as I love you, I cannot deny that you certainly never loved me. Enjoyed me, perhaps, but never loved me.”  
“Do not say that,” Aaravos growls. Why in the world would he be offended?  
“ _You_ are the one that gave me a damn truth spell, Aaravos! If you did not wish to hear the truth, then you should have thought of that!” I seethe with anger, and some part of me realizes that Aaravos was right, anger is just another expression of grief. “By the fates, are you not satisfied with the idea of godhood? You are already setting yourself up to be the most powerful being on the globe, to be worshiped or feared by all. I never took you for a greedy person, Aaravos, but apparently you needed someone to love you and warm your bed. After everything you still needed a _pet._ Oh, I’m sure it was great fun to trick me, to deceive me and play with my heart, because what is a puny little human next to the great, _all-powerful mage Aaravos?”_ I spit the last words to show my distaste for the concept.  
Aaravos stares off to the side, jaw clenched and nostrils flaring as he takes deep breaths. “I never delighted in your pain, starlight. I took your memories to ease your heart. They were so painful for you.”  
“Bullshit. It was more convenient.”  
Aaravos’s breath hitches in a way I am not sure I have ever heard before. He looks into my eyes, reaching out to caress my cheek. He hesitates, fingers hovering over my skin, as if waiting for me to pull away. I might, out of fear that he plans to alter my memories again, but I know that there is no point. He is so powerful, that the one strength I have is in staying firm and showing no fear.  
His thumb wipes at the tear tracks on my cheeks. His golden eyes are soft and earnest as he stumbles with his words “You… I… I…”  
“What is this? The silver-tongued mage lost for words?” If only I could know what he was thinking, what he really felt for once. I hate this imbalance, this dynamic that has him shrouded in alluring mystery but leaves me laid bare.  
Aaravos sighs. “You are right that it was more convenient, but not for the reasons that you believe. I… I could not bear to see you hurting like that. I know you might have healed eventually, but until then, you would be in pain, cutting my heart to the core. And… you might _leave._ You were so heartbroken over Katolis, over witnessing me perform dark magic, even to save you. I thought I would lose you. I have lost too much already, and I do not have anyone, not really. I have been alone ever since I was cast out from the few other startouch elves.  
“Do you know how maddening loneliness can be, my star? Truly? Because at times I wonder if I was mistaken about keeping my sanity, and I lost it a long time ago in the mirror, perhaps even prior. I still have nightmares about that endless isolation. The thought of waking up and not having you in my arms is _unbearable._ ”  
I am too shocked to speak. Could this be another deception? One to make me sympathize with him? What would be the point of that?  
Now that Aaravos has begun, he seems incapable of stopping. “But I was wrong. I know I was wrong even though I loathe to admit it. As much as I want you by my side, I love you. I love _you,_ starlight, not as a plaything or a pet but as an equal. Do you not remember that I said _we_ would be gods, my love? And I have wronged you by taking your memories. I have tampered with the very mind that captivated me with its curiosity and intelligence from the beginning, and that crime has plagued me every night.”  
The tears run down my cheeks afresh, and I notice a few well up in Aaravos’s eyes. “Do you know what I have been doing almost every night since the assassins almost killed you? I have been looking for a way to extend your lifespan, so that I will never be alone again, so that we can grow old together. Dark magic, vitality and life spells from earth magic, star spells that slow time’s effects on your body, anything I could find. And I swore that I would never tell you this, that I did not want you to worry about this, and yet…”  
Aaravos stumbles back, pulling his hand away from me as if he has been burned. “What did you do?” he cries.  
What? “Nothing!”  
Aaravos runs a hand through his hair, as if to soothe himself. I have never seen him so distressed. Though I would not go so far as to say he is frightened, there is a cautious way in which he looks at me. “The spell should be wearing off soon,” he says, but there is something in the way he says it that seems to be to comfort himself.  
“What is going on, Aaravos?”  
“You… you sent the spell back on me… you drew the truth from me. I do not know how, but I suppose I should not be surprised. You have always been powerful with the star arcanum.” Aaravos runs his hand over his face, sighing heavily. “Damn you.”  
So that is what has him so distressed. He is forced into vulnerability, forced to share the pain in his heart, and it pains him to be like this.  
And just as I could not kill him, I cannot take advantage of his pain. I reach out to stroke his hair, scratching lightly at the spot between his horns that he likes. “Then I will not ask anything of you. I will not force you to bare your heart if it hurts you so much.”  
Aaravos leans into my touch. “You are too good, too pure,” he laments, “and after I hurt you… I do not deserve this kind of mercy from you.” Aaravos cups my face in his hands, pulling our faces together so our foreheads touch. “Did you regain your memories?”  
“No… I was able to divine what I missed, but my own memories never returned.”  
“If you want them… I will give them back to you. I was selfish, my love, and I am sorry.”  
“Will it hurt?” I ask, suddenly scared of a repeat of that first night two weeks ago.  
“Most likely.”  
I stay silent for a moment, my mouth catching on the answer in my anxiety. I manage to answer, “yes, I want them back.”  
Aaravos moves his hands to my temples. “Brace yourself, starlight. It will be alright.”  
It is less like something coming back to me and more like a dam breaking. Whatever guards he placed in my mind vanishing like smoke, and all the information flooding back into my consciousness. I gasp for air, like I am drowning.  
I relive everything at once. The peaceful moments at Katolis, the sunsets and the library, the grief of seeing it burn, and the terror of dying. I think I might be screaming for how confusing it all is. It is beautiful and horrid; it is delightful and agonizing. Too much. It is all too much oh gods.  
The waters settle, the memories sifting into their proper places, like the water finding its place in the river’s flow after the initial surge.  
As I come back to my senses, I find that Aaravos is holding my trembling form, stroking my back and kissing my head as he murmurs apologies. “I am sorry. I did this. I am so sorry, my love.”  
I am glad that I was brave enough to take my memories back. I feel like myself again, and with the clarity of my own mind and emotions returned… I know what I must do now.  
I pull Aaravos in for a kiss, as if he is my only source of air. He reciprocates eagerly, clinging to me and pulling my body flush with his. Both of us pour all our grief and frustration into each other. He pulls at my hair and I scratch him with my nails. He grips me hard enough to bruise, and I bite his lip. We all but rip each other’s clothes off, barely breaking our kiss in the process.  
The sex is rough and frenzied and desperate.  
It is over too soon, the two of us completely exhausted by the day’s distress.  
We are curled up together when Aaravos starts to trace symbols on my back again. “No, Aaravos, please do not place a sleeping spell on me.” I say into his chest, already feeling the fog creeping in.  
“I am afraid I do not trust you. Even though I know you would not have hurt me, I have to take a precaution. I am sorry, my love. Just rest, now. We can speak on it in the morning.”  
Even still I feel the temptation to give in, to curl in his arms and forget about every terrible thing. I could just stay with him, studying the stars and loving him with no concern for the rest of the world.  
No… I cannot. It grieves me, but I cannot. Perhaps one day, I will be able to save him, and we will retire to some far away place. Far from Xadia and the human kingdoms, we could live quietly together.  
I force myself from the wishful thinking as it leans too close to sleep and dreaming. Gods, please let this work.  
Pressing my hands against Aaravos’s chest, I push forward with my mind, the way I do when casting magic. My thoughts clear and I remain awake, while Aaravos goes limp in the bed beside me. He manages to blink blearily at me in surprise before shutting his eyes, breaths soft in sleep.  
I resist the urge to jump and squeal in glee. I can barely believe I did it! How in the world did that _work?_ Was it because of our telepathic connection, or is it something other star connected mages can do?  
Not about to rest on my laurels, I make quick work of packing what I can in a knapsack. I hope I will not have to part with the astrolabe, but the gold will make for a useful trade for money. I will need places to stay on my journey, and definitely food. I wonder how valuable this really is. It might be enough to buy a mount.  
I am certain he will look for me when he wakes, but I am stronger than I would have admitted to myself before. He is not the only one that can shield himself from a mage’s vision, I am sure. Besides, I plan to see him again.  
As I set out into the night, I go far enough to put the camp of dark mages out of sight. The stars are clear in the sky, midwinter constellations twinkling and signaling how late it is. The past day has been exhausting, and it is sure to be dawn soon, but perhaps I am running on pure adrenaline for now. I have never felt so alive, so free.  
Aaravos believes that only those willing to sacrifice their souls should have the power of magic on their side. Perhaps I was once willing to sacrifice my soul for understanding of the stars… and perhaps in many ways I did. Yet, my power did not come from any raw determination, nor any specific quality to make me any more deserving than my fellow humans, I think.  
No, it came from understanding, it came from my study and comprehension of the meaning of the sky. Yes, that took work… but if I am the better for it, then why would I wish to make this joy more inaccessible to anyone else? If I could learn, if Callum could learn, then why shouldn’t anyone else? Knowledge that is built upon is one of the few things that will stand the test of time… otherwise we are all repeating the same cycles, trapped in our short lives to have nothing of value.  
The stars seem to look down on me like proud parents, as if they are affirming a deeper understanding. I have a purpose now, a greater one that just the charting of the stars. Aaravos is so lonely, so lost in his pursuits that he has no one to stand beside him, and I refuse to fall to the same fate. I will show him that he is wrong. I _will._  
As I look to the heavens, the stars point the way. I continue my hike, ready to face what will come, and hoping fate will lead Aaravos and I back together again one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thankful to every reader that has stuck around this long! I'm thinking of this chapter as the end of the second act, so the tone of the story will change a bit in the next few chapters. I hope you like it because I am very excited with where this is going!

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi (or yell at me) on my tumblr! I post bonus stuff about this story on there too! https://alls-fair-in-pride-and-prejudice.tumblr.com/  
> Also, if you comment, I will love you forever.
> 
> Edit on December 28th 2020: Marking this as complete for now while I pursue other projects. I will post part two of this story hopefully in April or May of next year, ideally with a regular posting schedule. Keep an eye out or subscribe to the series! See you in 2021~


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